Independence

No, this is not going to be political. Sorry, Jens. I know the title might be a bit misleading with the upcoming holiday and I apologize. The following is honest, open discussion.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday and I went out to my parents house to eat dinner and celebrate. Dinner in the Garcia house is pretty fun, as you can imagine. We all talk at the same time, we laugh at each other, we laugh with each other, and generally drive Mom and Dad crazy. It was a typical night and I was enjoying myself fully. Caroline showed me some hilarious youtube videos. Click here for an example. We watched NCSI as a family and then the Braves play Pittsburgh. Yes, a typical family night.

As the evening progressed, Mom and I moved to the kitchen and we talked about school. I was excited to share my news about registration, my major, and my classes. The conversation turned to clothes, food, and diets. I will admit that I am the stereo-typical girl and I do struggle with image and weight issues. The evening was on a slippery slope at this point. My laughter and excitement turned to tears and frustration. I admitted to my mother that I felt like there was a possibility that I was depressed. However, I knew from previous talks with my doctor that physical dysfunctions such as high thyroid levels could affect the hormones that cause depression. I told my mom that I wasn't happy and she told me that wasn't something that she didn't know. Thank you, Mother. Of course she knew.

As I continued to explain to her what I thought the problem was, she insisted on calling my dad over. Now, if you know me well or have read this blog in any detail, you know that I adore my father. Inasmuch as I adore him, it is often difficult for me to share things with him or for us to understand one another the way we mean to be understood. However, dad came over and I shared a great deal. I talked about my job, my past relationship, my faith, my weaknesses, my strengths, and much more. I laughed, I cried, but Cats was probably better. I'm not gonna lie.

The two most important thoughts that I shared were 1) my knowledge of the cross and 2) my Independence. By "knowledge of the cross", I mean that I understand and believe with every fiber in my being that Jesus died on the cross for me. His grace is sufficient. I know that I have been blessed beyond compare and that gives me every reason to be happy and joyful. I have all the head knowledge and scripture. Dad had to remind me that it was more than knowing in your head and almost more than knowing in your heart. You have to know in your heart, mind, and soul that Jesus provides your identity. It's more than reading your bible and praying if you are only going through the motions. You have to do it because it is personal to you. He reminded me that it is spiritual warfare and that you have to fight to resist discouragement and untruths. I am so blessed and grateful beyond what I can express with words for a dad who is willing to preach the gospel to me when I am discouraged.

The second thought that I shared was my Independence. As much as I fight being helped in any way, and I do mean any way, there are times when I need to know that someone, namely my dad, wants to take care of me. I need to know that he would drop whatever he is doing to jump to my rescue. I am not talking about silly things like I had a bad day and I need a hug. But I am talking about my car breaking down or my head being split open. I just need to know that someone wants to take care of me. My poor mother was crying at this point. Here I am crying and saying that there are times when I feel painfully alone and she is bawling her eyes out. I am sure I will one day know what it feels like to hear a child say that and I will cry too, but I felt sad that I had made her sad.

At any rate, once all the emotion was out, I felt better. Dad continued to tell me of God's love for me and offer me advice. His most consistent advice being discipline. If you know my dad, that should not be surprising at all.

After a bit, Sarah Ann (number three) came in and needed help with her English paper, at which point I offered, with hesitance, my assistance. Helping Sa Sa with school work is difficult for me to do as our personalities are vastly different. However, we got through it and I went on my thoughtful way home after a hug and a kiss from Mom.

I arrived home to find that I had a flat tire and then proceeded to lock my keys in my car. Brilliant, I know. I called my daddy, crying of course, and he promised to come first thing in the morning.

So, much for independence.

Today

This is one of those update posts. I have so much going on and I feel like if I write it all out it will seem more organized. My darn google calendar won't open and it's making me crazy.

I have two more days here at KPDK and then I am finished. Mixed feelings on this, but I know it is for the best. I have an interview tomorrow for my dream job, with a follow up interview already set up for the following Wednesday.

No fourth of July plans at the moments, but I did overbook myself by accident for Thursday night. I have a wedding shower and a dance to go to. It wouldn't be a big deal, but I am supposed to sing at the dance. Oops.

I'll have a week of down time before I head to the Springer to be the Intern Captain for the last two weeks of Academy. So excited about this. Then there is another down week and I am planning a trip to Washington, DC for that weekend. Hopefully, work starts that following Monday.

After that, it's wedding central. Lots of parties and showers. It's all very busy and I am super excited. School starts in August and I already have Fall Break planned out.

Also, today is my sweet Dad's 62nd birthday! So, Happy Birthday, Dad!

Life is good.

Thankfulness

I am thankful for:

My Savior
Family
Friends
Hot showers
My Apartment
My roommate
Gmail
My Car (even if it is a piece of crap)
Young Life
My Church
Target ( i just love that store)
Girlfriends
Panera Bread
The Gym
Cell Phones
The Beach
Sunshine
Cream Cheese
Education
Books
Old Movies
Rainy Days
Fireplaces
Hugs
Mountains
Sweet Tea
Lunches paid for by Dad
Pedicures
Mexican dinners with Peyton B.
Days at the lake
Keens
Melissa
Kisses
Little brothers who are taller than me
Being born in the south
Theatre
Holidays
Roadtrips
Cannon Rebel xTi
BFF's in LaGrange
People who read this
Plane trips
CPA's
Picture frames
Long lunches
Late night chats
Music
Texas Grandmothers
Job interviews

I'm sure there's more...

Faith and Contentment

Have you ever been in that place where you know what you want to do and just can't do it? I am not talking about wanting to do something like go for a swim but the pool is closed or wanting a hot Krispy Cream Doughnut and the sign is just not on. I am talking about life goals. I'm talking about knowing what you want to do with your life and knowing that that door has not yet been opened.

Over the past few weeks, I have been dealing with the subjects of faith, contentment, and godly zeal over and over again. It has come before me in conversations, in bible studies, in church sermons, and in my everyday activities. In my head, I can tell myself all day long that I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now and that the doors I want opened haven't been opened for a reason. But even though I know that that is right, I still struggle with discontentment, disbelief, lack of faith, and no patience. I know that everything happens in His timing and not mine. I know that He has control over my life, whether or not I willingly give over those reigns or not. And that should be a freeing thought. I know, without a doubt, that what He wants for me is ten million times better than what I want for me. And yet, I still struggle. I still have moments (more like days and weeks) of disbelief and lackluster faith. I still wonder why and I still doubt my loving Father.

This weekend, in Sunday school and church, I was completely convicted of my lack of faith. Tom Johnson taught Sunday school and talked about contentment and what it means. Contentment, for me, means accepting that you are in a situation for a reason. It means being happy despite the circumstances. It means pressing forward. Now, I think there is a difference between contentment and complacency, but I am talking about contentment. I have struggled with various decisions that I have made and whether or not I was acting on discontentment alone or really doing what was right for me. After a lot of prayer and multiple conversations with trusted friends, I have a peace about my decisions.

Scott Barber's sermon also talked about faith and contentment. His daughter, Caroline, was baptized on Sunday morning and he expressed a desire to speak to what Caroline's life would become as a daughter of the King. He talked about running the race that has been marked for us by our heavenly Father. We often doubt and second guess the road we have been given because we are unsure of what's ahead. He used the example of a 1980 Georgia Football game and how he was anxious and unnerved throughout the game, but how he can watch, with enjoyment, the re-runs since he knows what is going to happen. I think that is how I live my life, to a certain degree. I worry and bite my nails (literally) and fail to enjoy the scenery because I don't know what's ahead. I often lack the faith needed to enjoy the ride.

I also do this thing where I am unhappy if God doesn't give me what I think I want or need. It is as if I am saying that I believe that His son dying on the cross was enough for me, but His plan for my life is not. I don't want to think that way. I want to be content with His plan for me. I want to be able to say with total conviction "You are the potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me after your will." I want that peace. So, I asked for it and He gave it to me.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

Proverb of the Day

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.

-Proverbs 17:28

Or

"Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

-Abraham Lincoln

Second Amendment

Very rarely do I make political statements, vocally or here on the blog. But when it comes to the Constitutional Rights of every American, I feel like it's pretty safe to say what I think. I mean, it's in the Constitution, people. This should be extremely simple, right?

The Second Amendment was upheld today in the Supreme Court. Citizens of Washington, D.C. can now have a firearm in their home. You can read more about it here.

It is amazing to me that this is going to result in further opposition and uproar from those who find themselves to be of the more liberal nature. We all believe in the Constitution, folks. It's why you are able to raise you-know-what about firearms. It is incredible that we will take full advantage of the Constitution and the rights it affords us, but only when it benefits us. Freedom of Speech? By all means! But don't say anything against me. Freedom of religion? Yes! But only if I understand it and it is the same as mine. Powers granted to the States? Of course! But only if we think the state can handle it. The right to bear arms was afforded to us by the Constitution. Why would we want to take rights away from ourselves? I have no idea. Yet, it is cases like District of Columbia v. Heller (07-290) that hit me like a slap in the face and make me increasingly aware of the astounding rate at which we are giving away our constitutional rights as citizens of the United States of America. Yes, it was the lifiting of a ban and not taking a right that was already in place, but it was a ban that needed to be lifted.

Wake up, folks. Educate yourselves. Read the Constitution. There will be more cases like this one and the majority may not rule in favor of the people next time.

My Favorite Hymn

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: If Jordan above me shall roll, No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord! Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Habitat for Humanity

I have always been an advocate for Habitat for Humanity. I think that it is worthy cause and I enjoy the type of work that you do when you work on a Habitat House. However, when I agreed to help out this past Saturday, I was a little less than thrilled at the thought of getting up early and working all morning in the hot sun. But, I got up and set out to a part of town that I rarely frequent. And I got lost. Very lost. And then I was late. Not very late, just late. I was not a happy camper.

My whole attitude changed once I arrived, though. There were highschool students, young adults, older adults, and uh...much older adults. There were even one or two younger kiddies there. After a bit of instruction from Diez, the man in charge, we hit the yard and started raking. We were laying sod that day and the ground has to be as free from large and medium sized rocks as possible. After a bit, I stood up straight to take a small breather and as I did, I took a moment to look around a bit. Everyone was working and laughing. There were people raking and people shoveling. There were already people laying the grass down. There were groups coming in with snacks and drinks. It was a refreshing view of my fellow man. No one was complaining and everyone was working towards a common cause and goal. I smiled a bit and got back to work.

As we came closer and closer to finishing, my next observation was not just the age range of the folks present, but the type of people present. There were kids there. This always strikes me because kids don't often think of this type of thing on their own. Most were there because of service projects for school, but there were a few who were truly there to serve and that struck a chord with me. There were only two or three others there that were close to my age. There were people from AFLAC, there were attorneys, doctors, accountants, moms, church members, real estate agents, and others.

I love feeling like I am a part of something that is bigger than me. Something that will affect others. Something that really has nothing to do with me, but I helped.

The only down part of the day was when I realized that a) I forgot my camera and b) I left my car lights on. Yeah. Perrin Trotter is my car jump-er off-er hero.

Election Coverage

The news is out! Terry Yarbrough is running for City Council, District Eight. Born and raised in Columbus, Georgia, Terry Yarbrough exercises strong family values. A devoted husband and father, Terry supports community growth and the values that Columbus embodies. A community servant for many years, Terry now desires to serve and support the city of Columbus in a greater capacity; as your Councilor for District Eight.

This is exciting on a number of different levels. The first being that there is change in the air. I believe, with all my heart, that we can win this election. I think that Uncle Terry can help Columbus become more prepared for BRAC re-alignment and the changes it will bring. I think that he can help with the revitalization of Mid-Town Columbus. And I think that he can push Columbus towards more repsonsible managment of the tax payer's money.

The second level of excitement is for me. Sounds selfish, I know, but I am really enjoying the experience as a whole. I love the politics, the management, the people, the planning. I love it all. It makes me all giddy and happy. Silly, I know, but so very true.

If you want to contact Mr. Yarbrough, click here.

Looking ahead

This weekend was a busy one for me. Friday night, I had dinner with my cousin and did laundry. Supper exciting, I know. Saturday, I worked with Habitat (more on this later) and then worked with my Uncle Terry in his yard, laying sod. How I got roped into that, I'll never know. After a shower, we went and ran some errands and ended up in the ER with my cousin, Haley, who broke her foot again. Yes, I said again. Then it was off to dinner and then my pastor's house. Sunday, I went to church, my parents house, Uncle Terry's house, Target, dinner with Nick, running with Sam, and then collapsed into my bed. Somebody tell me to slow down, please.

Monday was the big day though. Uncle Terry announced that he was running for City Council. As his right hand man, I was on hand to take pictures, keep him calm, and get paper towels to blot his sweaty face. My job is so glamorous. There was an interview with WRBL, which went really well, and I have a couple of other interviews lined up. More on the campaign later.

As big as Monday was, today is a little bigger for me. After a lot of thought, tons of prayer, and long conversations with the 'rents, I decided to give my two weeks notice at my current job. As much as I would love for it to work out, its just not. It's not fair to them or me for it to keep going like it is. I have learned so much and will carry these lessons with me for a long time, but it's time to find something else. I know you are all thinking "What the heck is she thinking? Does she have anything else lined up?" I do. More on that later, as well.

So, as you can tell, this weekend/week has been busy and full. I don't think it's slowing down any time soon.

Alone time

Last night after work , I went went to gym, per usual, and went home and showered. I went to Starbucks, grabbed some coffee and was going to head home, but changed my mind. I decided to take myself on a date. Sounds kinda crazy, I know, but I needed some down time and some time where I just pampered myself. Now, those of you who know me well might be shocked that I went somewhere, by myself, by choice. I know, it's craziness. And I do have this thing about being alone. I much prefer the company of friends and family to being by myself, but I decided to go to Barnes and Noble "just to look around." Yeah right. I got in there and caught the book bug. I am not even going to talk about the ungodly amount of money that I spent, but I had such a nice time browsing and perusing the aisles. It was nice to not have to talk to anyone or worry about whether or not someone else was having a good time or not, or whether they were ready to leave.

After I spent way too much money on books that I just had to have (I mean, life or death here, people. Seriously.), I was, once again, going to head home, but decided to take myself to a movie. I have never in my life gone to a movie alone. I like to talk to the person next to me during the movie. Annoying, I know, but so much fun. And I was worried about not having someone there. But, it wasn't half bad. I actually enjoyed it. What is the world coming to?

Alone time is good for me every once in awhile. Really. I laughed. I cried. It was better than "Cats."

The Market

Last night, I went out with some of my girlfriends. We wanted something nice, with a good atmosphere, and great food. My friend, Erin, suggested we try The Market, a local seafood restaurant that recently relocated to the downtown area. I was already a huge fan of The Market and was quick to agree. However, I had no idea what a pleasant surprise it would be when I walked through the door.

To fully appreciate what I am about to describe to you, you have to understand the state of the previous location that The Market occupied. It was a bit dark and dingy. The bathrooms weren't very nice. The space was crowded and cramped. It was a hole in the wall kind of place with incredible food. Now, imagine brick walls, a great bar area, great lighting, huge windows, four different little areas with tables, and, of course, great food.

I arrived a few minutes late and was a bit taken aback by the very chic feel of the room. When I arrived at the table there were already water glasses on the table. The menus were similar to the old ones, as far as style goes, and the food was exactly the same. We were given a wine list and this was the second surprise of the evening.

The Market didn't have a liquor licence before and people brought their own. It was a part of the uniqueness that is The Market. However, they now have a liquor license, thus the wine list. We were told that they painstakingly went over the list to make sure that they had a good variety, not only in wine, but in price as well. It makes sense seeing as people have been able to spend as little or as much as they wanted on a wine that they specifically chose. A great wine list is somewhat vital. The wine list was divided into three categories; The Pontoon Boat List, The Sailboat List, and Your First Yacht List. I thought this was an exceptionally clever way to provide a pricing list.

Appetizers were next on the agenda. We had the "Crispy Okra", which is just a fancy way to say "fried okra." It's served uncut and fried and is absolutely divine. We split this between six of us and it was just enough. After appetizers, we ordered our main courses. I had the grilled salmon and it was delicious. I ordered two sides of salad and cheese grits and both were delectable. The other girls ordered halibut, crab, and The Market Special, which is a stuffed something or another. I wish I had paid more attention to that.

Dessert consisted of Key Lime Pie and Bread Pudding. The Bread Pudding is my personal favorite. It's Bread Pudding (obviously) and it is huge! Erin and I split it and it was more than enough. It is served with Bourbon sauce that has been heated. To die for, let me tell you!

As we sat there, the lights were lowered and the mood was set. I should have mentioned earlier that the music was fantastic, as well. We sat and chatted for a long time, but it seemed not very long at all. The service was excellent and everything was so tastefully done.

All in all, a wonderful experience and I can't wait to go back.

Dangit

I thought about a great topic to write on last night as I was falling asleep and I can't remember it now. Shoot a wild monkey.

Too much

After seven months, I still can't listen to Jack Johnson, Carla Bruni, The Decemberists, or the Garden State soundtrack. I can't watch Garden State, Jeopardy, or the new Pride and Prejudice. Playing golf is hard and going to Atlanta is possible, but painful. There's a little black dress that I won't put on and a sweatshirt that I packed away in the back corner of my closet. There are no pictures and every card, letter, and most of the jewelry has been put away. Writing out the story, like I swore I would, is a slow process, mostly because it just brings back too many memories. I don't eat at Speakeasy and I never drive by HHS. The Market is off limits and I don't go to the Riverwalk much. I've grown my hair long, mostly out of spite. I still love my college football team and baseball team, but it's hard to cheer for the white and gold. And though all of this is not the main reason by any means, it certainly plays a part in the finding of a new church. A blue Altima still makes me do a double take and I'm not the biggest fan of facial hair anymore. Going to LaGrange is difficult. I can still hear your voice and your laugh. Being called "Sweetheart" makes me cringe a bit. There are even certain bible passages that make my mind travel to a different time. I still have to answer questions and I still encounter awkward moments of brief explanations with little detail. I am rarely, if ever, vocally negative and if I am, it is only to a privileged, and very specific, three. There are friends I can't see and phrases I can't forget.

In all that I have seemingly lost, I have gained so much more. I found new music, new movies, new restaurants, and locations. I've learned to be independent. I've got priorities and goals that are healthy and ambitious. I've learned to lean on the One and Only and to place my trust in Him rather than men. I've regained relationships that were once strained and have had my eyes opened to a whole new world.

There are days when I still think it could have worked and days when I know it wouldn't have. There are days when I want to hate you and it's everyday that I know that I cannot. There are days when it's too much, but more often there are days when I know that I am just fine. There are seldom days where tears are present and they are mostly over work, a bad hair day, or my car.

I'm just fine. Even when it's too much, even when I want to cry, even when I am reminded, I am just fine.

"...and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security...and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight... And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth ,and you learn, and you learn..."-Veronica A. Shoffstall

That Girl

How do you experience me? This question is one that my pastor encourages the congregation to ask of those closest to them.

I've started thinking about how I experience me. Inasmuch as I would love to be the girl that has the patience of a saint, never says a hateful word towards others, goes to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY, eats healthy all the time, never sounds arrogant, isn't a hypocrite, has time to read five different newspapers, has read all the important classics, runs a 6 minute mile consistently, has a written portfolio that far exceeds her peers, sells her photography for outrageous prices, is a friend at all times, works hard, still dates her high school sweetheart, never complains, is always positive, is a neat freak (or at least neat), can cook like your mother, plays tennis like a pro, keeps up her golf game, and pays all of her bills on time, I'm just not that girl.

I have little patience, although it is getting much better. I can be very hateful towards others(Caroline, don't attest to this). I go to the gym most days, but there are some days when I just can't do it. I try to eat healthy all the time, but I love fatty foods. I am arrogant at times and being a hypocrite comes naturally. I read The Times when I have time (pun intended) and I skim the Ledger Enquirer. I don't have time to read as much as I would like and when I do, I usually do an easy read or I like to re-read a favorite. (Pride and Prejudice, anyone? Seven times, people. Seriously.) I run about an 8 minute mile. My written portfolio is poor at best. My photography doesn't sell...yet. I stink as a friend a lot of the time. I goof off at work when I should be productive. I'm not very good at dating. I do complain. I'm not always positive. I am far from a neat freak and my roommate would say I am far from neat. Period. I am not a great cook and it's definitely not like your mother's. I stink at tennis and my golf game is just OK. Who am I kidding? I stink at that too. My bills get paid on time, except for that one time when I forgot.

So, that's me. I admit it openly and honestly. Do I try my best? Most of the time, but not always. Am I working on me? Yes! Always.

The Road to Frontier Ranch

I arrived at the Target parking lot a few minutes before seven this morning to see my Young Life kids and fellow leaders off as they head to Buena Vista, Colorado to spend the week at Frontier Ranch. I am never so much encouraged as when I am with the Young Life family; kids, leaders, parents, and committee.

As the kids packed their bags and said goodbyes to parents and as leaders loaded their gear and an incredible amount of food, I felt a twinge of sadness that I wasn't loading up my bags and getting on the bus as well. However, I have complete and total confidence that the people on that bus are the ones that God wanted there.

James Rockwell, our fearless leader and area director, gathered all the leaders, parents, and committee members together and Claude led us in prayer. He committed the trip, the kids, and the leaders to God and prayed for their protection as they travel. As the kids got on the bus, followed shortly thereafter by the leaders, I joined Susanne McClusky and Cheryl Carrol and we prayed yet again as the bus pulled out of the parking lot.

I write about this and share with you because this morning, with all the disappointment and sadness that I felt not being on that bus, was simply wonderful. To be surrounded by the body of believers and to be able to join together in prayer for people that we love dearly and care so much about was powerful. I wish I could start every morning out like that.

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." -James 5:16b

"I sought the Lord and he answered me..." -Psalm 34:4

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours."-Mark 11:24

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you..."-Colossians 1:9

The Bucket List

I personally did not see the movie that I am stealing the title to this post from, but I heard it was good. It was about these two old guys who had a list of things that they wanted to do before they "kicked the bucket" and how they went about completing this list. My mom likes to give me extremely detailed accounts of the movies that she and Dad go see, even if I say that I am going to go see it too. Then, I figure why spend the almost ten bucks to see something that I already know the ending to? But, I digress. My point is that I have a list of things that I must do before I die and I want to share them with you. This list is ever growing, changing, and I am sure there will be things that I forget about. There is no particular order to this list. Just go with it.

• Jump out of a plane
• Go overseas.
• Plant a flower garden
• Adopt a baby
• Get a puppy
• Keep a goldfish alive for longer than a month
• Write a book
• Get married(this should probably be above the have a baby/adopt one...)
• Go on a long term mission trip
• Be "Millie" in Thoroughly Modern Millie"
• Have a white picket fence
• Go on a cross country road trip
• Be the Artistic Director of a regional theatre
• Be a professional photographer
• Be on staff with Young Life
• Buy a car
• Create a foundation for underprivileged kids to go to college
• Win lottery or be famous author to have money to create foundation
• Live in New England
• Sing in a night club (When I say night club, I mean a jazz club that's smokey and dark...specifics are important here, people.)
• Graduate from college. (this one should probably be further up on the list.)
• Work at a job I love
• Read as many books as I can
• Be known for my extensive library
• Have season tickets to the symphony, the theatre, GT football and basketball games, and the Braves

As I think of more I'll add them in parts 2, 3, and so on. Now, to start checking it off...

After a while

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
-Veronica A. Shoffstall

Brilliance

This weekend I am planning on going to the hardware store and picking out some paint and wood to take out to my parents house and decorate for my apartment. If you've seen my lovely three bedroom apartment, you know that the walls are a lovely beige with some cream tones. So cheerful and light, no? Well, being the brilliant girl that I am, I decided to take wood, paint it in bright, cheerful colors, take some white paint and write words like "Faith", "Love", "Joy", etc. I know, I'm brilliant.

I'm also thinking that making this a Father-Daughter project is perfect for Fathers day. I know...brilliance.

So, what's the plan?

This is probably a bad time to write a post. Mostly because it has been one of those days. I think you know what I mean when I say that. We all have those days when it just seems like the day couldn't get much worse. And I had one of those days.

As much as I believe that there is a plan for me and my life, I still struggle with doubt and fear. I was talking to my mom earlier about contentment. My definition of contentment is accepting the situation, doing what you have to do to make it work, and not complaining about it. When I think of discontentment, I think of being depressed, complaining all the time, and being generally unhappy. I don't consider myself discontent in that way. Yes, there are things that I would like to change about my situation, but I don't dwell on them. I am generally a happy person, in my opinion. My mom really wants me to see the lessons in my situation and I am looking. I try and take each situation and look at the good that came out of it. Let's look at what I have found.

1. Leaving LaGrange College. Leaving LC was difficult and, in the beginning, I did not handle it well. I was depressed for several weeks and although I didn't blame anyone for the fact that I was home, I was bitter. However, I can see now that had I not come home I would not have become involved with Young Life, I wouldn't be living with the greatest roommate ever, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to have the greatest job ever, and I might not have found the incredible group of people that I hang out with on a regular basis. Faith is definitely the lesson here. Not knowing why God thought it was a good idea to empty my savings account and then only be at LaGrange for a semester and a JanTerm, lose a semester, have a really crappy first job, and go to CSU most certainly tried my faith and I failed miserably in that department. It wasn't until 10 months later that I was able to fully appreciate and say in all honesty that I was grateful for where God had put me.
2. Ken Henson retiring. After a year of working for Ken, he decided to stop practicing law and let me and his paralegal go. It was difficult to leave. I loved my job and the people that I worked with. It was the perfect job and I gained so much experience. I found it fairly easy to find another job with the same pay and more hours. Contentment and patience are the lessons I am learning here.
3. Being at CSU. This was a hard one for me. Even when talking to my mom today, I paused and had to think. Thinking back to the the conversation, I am kind of giggling. There are good things about CSU. I have made some great friends and experienced some fabulous professors. Contentment is probably what I am supposed to learn here. And how to glorify God in every situation.
4. My current job. Not really on my top ten list of best jobs ever. However, it pays the bills and I have made some great contacts. I go in, do my job, and go home. Endurance is the lesson here. And Contentment.
5. My car. Definitely one part of my life that I identify as the bane of my existence. This car breaks down at least once a week. BUT, it does get me from point A to point B when it decides to run. When it does decide not to crank, I tell myself that there is a reason that God wants me to be late to wherever it is I am going. So, I am working on my faith and there is the good in that situation.
6. Relationships. I am not going to go into detail here, but God has most certainly been teaching me lessons. He has been teaching me to lean on Him fully, to have faith in His plan and not my own, to let go of my timeline and live in His, to give up control, to commit all of my worries, fears, cares, and pain to Him, and to find contentment in His love. God has most certainly taught me about faith and shown me my lack of it and His overabundance of it.

There are a lot of lessons. I see them, I really do. And I think that I am doing an OK job of learning them. My prayer for myself and the one that I request of those who pray for me is that I would grow in love, grace, mercy, contentment, peace, patience, and faith. That His will would become my will. That God would mold me into the woman that He desires me to be and that I would serve Him with joyfulness always.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18- "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

God tells us, in a very obvious manner, what His will for our life is. It's not always easy to be joyful, or thankful, or even to pray, but this is what God calls us to do. This goes back to what I said in the beginning of this post about knowing full well that He is going to take care of me and still struggling with doubt and fear. He does have a plan, His will for me is obvious, and everything He wants for me is ten million times better than what I want for me.

The Quote of the Day

"If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, like Shakespeare wrote poetry, like Beethoven composed music; sweep streets so well that all the host of Heaven and Earth will have to pause and say, Here lived a great sweeper, who swept his job well."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

NEW AND EXCITING!!!!

You no longer have to be registered with google or blogger to comment on the blog. I changed the setting this morning. So comment away. I want to know what you think!!

-t

A Beautiful Mind

Last night, I was having dinner with my friend, Peyton, and we were having a discussion about the office she works in. It's downtown and in a rather old building. My mind conjured up an old southern building with large windows and white columns (don't ask why...). Then, she made the comment that the building was kinda crappy (Sorry, Mom. I know you don't like that word). My mind downgraded the building and I saw a dilapidated room that was dark, musty, and in need of some repairs. However, the picture changed once again when Peyton remarked that it was a neat building and pretty in that the floor she works on has brick walls and exposed beams. My mind went to lofts and a classy downtown building like what you see on TV.

Isn't it funny how the human brain works? That we have the ability to create pictures in our mind? Maybe what is more amazing to me than the ability to create the picture, is the types of pictures we create. The pictures are intricate and full of detail or maybe that's just my pictures. Still, the fact that that is the way my mind works intrigues me and fills me with wonder and awe towards the Creator of such a beautiful mind.

Home Education

I was home educated. From kindergarten through 12th grade my parents made the sacrifice to teach my siblings and I at home. There were parts I hated and there were parts I loved. There were times when I hated being home every day and there are days now when I am sitting at work, in a desk (not so different from school, eh?), and I wish that I could be home reading or writing. I loved being able to travel with my family and take off to Callaway Gardens for the day and have what Mom called "Domestic School Day." I went to prom junior and senior year with friends that went to public school. I was on the yearbook staff. I went to classes with other home educated students where we learned about chemistry, the art of writing a good paper, Spanish, and various other subjects that can be difficult to learn on your own. I will admit that there was a time when I begged my parents to send me to "real school", but in the end and looking back now, I am ever so grateful to my parents for their wisdom and decision to home educate me.

As I watch our government strive to take away the right of parents to educate their child(ren) at home, I wonder how many more rights will they start taking away? The same men and women that we have elected to protect and implement those sacred rights we have as citizens of a free nation, are the same people who seem to want more and more control over our lives.

In an article published by Parade Magazine (http://www.parade.com/articles/editions/2008/edition_06-01-2008/Intelligence_Report), experts speculated that the number of families in the U.S. who are choosing to educate their children at home is increasing 7%-12% a year. That is an incredible number. The article is mainly focused on the case going on in California where home education is in danger of becoming illegal, a move which would place over 166,000 children who are currently being home educated into the public and private school systems of California. The state wants parents who home educate to have teaching certificates. The vast majority of parents teaching their children do not.

There are arguments galore when it comes to home education. My personal favorite is "socialization" and how home educated children are deprived of being able to socialize with children with children of the same age, or how they are unable to learn conflict resolution by staying at home. I don't know about you, but living with ten other people who had ten varying personalities taught me conflict resolution. And there are many ways to give your children social outlets. Another argument is that the education received at home does not prepare you for the college experience.

As a home educated graduate that attends a university in the state of Georgia, I can say that my home education experience, while not perfect, prepared me for the college experience. My dad is a dentist in our hometown and my mom is a stay at home mother who has home educated for the past 15 years. While my father obviously went as far as he could in the academic world, my mother only attended two years of college. Yet, she was the one who stayed at home and taught my siblings and I. I have seven younger brothers and sisters, all of whom are or were home educated. One sister is a full time student the university that I attend and two of my sisters, though still in high school, are a part of the joint enrollment program at the university that allows high school students to attend classes and attain college credit that goes toward their college degree. I am a journalism/photography major, one sister is a Theatre Education major, another was a nursing major and recently switched to pre-engineering. The other sister wants to declare pre-med. We each have GPA's that range from a 3.5 to a 4.0. As you can see, our education was far from lacking and our primary teacher did not have "certification."

The lack of support for home education in our nation is incredible. All you have to do is look at the number of home educated students in our country, then see how they have gotten along in colleges and universities across the nation, and you can see quite clearly that home education is a legitimate educational option. Most of our founding fathers were home educated. Not only were they home educated, but their mothers were the ones who taught them and women were not welcome in the world of academia, yet were the ones trusted with the job of educating the children in the family. These same men, who were by today's standards given a less than adequate education, created the most powerful document in the world. What does that say to you about home education?

Thoughts on the Homeland

Sundays are probably my favorite day of the week. I absolutely adore getting up, going to church, having lunch, and then spending the afternoon at my parents home with my siblings (and Mama and Daddy, of course).

Today, as I sat at the table with the rest of the family, Dad asked what the kids thought about the sermon this morning. Each person put in their two cents about Boyd's sermon. It seemed that it was on love verses knowledge. The need for knowledge, the love of knowledge, how the Psalmist says that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord. This turned the conversation to the love of God, the simplicity of His love, and how our love for Him affects our love for others. I have no idea how, but this progressed to the discussion of race. If you know me well, you have probably heard me talk about how grateful I am for the way that my parents have raised my siblings and I in a way that is oblivious, in a way, to race. For all my joking about being "Mexican" and things being better because of it, I never even thought about the fact that it was a part of my background until a friend made a comment when I was in highschool. It has become a joke amongst my siblings and I, but it is still just a joke. My parents laugh and joke about it as well, but it is not something that they ever initiated. In fact, it took my dad awhile to find it funny at all.

I don't know that I have talked much about my parents, where they are from, and how they were raised. Let's start with Daddy. Born Pablo Manuel Garcia to Jesse and Manuela Garcia in Malakoff, Texas, my dad is not your stereotypical Hispanic. In our conversation today, he admitted that he made a personal choice years ago that he would never strive to be seen differently because of his Hispanic heritage. Growing up with his six brothers in a town where they were the only Spanish speaking family, Dad's family was separated from the Hispanic culture at a young age. He remarked today that he was especially grateful for God's grace in this matter, as the Hispanic culture is full of witchcraft, as well as a sense of entitlement of late. Because of my father's decision to integrate himself into the the culture of which he was a part, it is rare that he ever hears anything related to his heritage unless someone calls his office expecting a Spanish speaking dentist because of his name. He chooses to go by "Paul" rather than "Pablo" and is about as "East Texas" as they come. My dad is about 5'4", but stands with the stature of John Wayne. He is a man to be admired. He is wise, compassionate, funny, incredibly intelligent, and truly a man after God's own heart. I adore my father.

My mother was born Elizabeth Ann Yarbrough to Jerry and Bashie Yarbrough. She is the only girl with three older brothers and one younger. Raised during the sixties (in the south), my mom admits to struggling with prejudices and the stereotypes that go with that time period. Her dad was a fire fighter and she remembers being on family vacation in Florida when the call came asking her dad to come home because there were riots going on in their hometown. For three long days and nights, Mom and her family had no idea if her dad was OK or not. She remembers going to Matthew Elementary School and being in the first group of white kids to ever go there. My mother is superwoman. She has/is homeschooling eight children, helps my dad run his business, and is active in the homeschool group in our community. She is my best friend and I love her dearly.

You are probably wondering what my point is in all of this. Well, the discussion at lunch today got my thoughts racing. I was reminded again of my parents wisdom in their raising of us kids. Words cannot do justice in expressing the appreciation that I feel towards my parents because they have instilled in me a sense of respect and compassion for all people, regardless of color or ethnicity. I am grateful that they exposed me to an environment (the theatre) that, as Mary Lou so elegantly phrased it, was a sort of "Utopia for Equality." It was there, in addition to the teachings of my parents, that I actively embraced the idea of equality of all humans. It was during this time in my life, when I was completely immersed in the world of theatre, that I made a conscious decision to never identify a person according to their race when telling a story or talking about the guy or girl that walked up to me in Wal-mart or whatever the case may be. Instead, I chose to live by the example that my parents set for me. I am, by no means, perfect and there are, of course, prejudices in my heart. However, it is my desire to be open minded and free of prejudices against my fellow man. A lofty goal, I know, but one that is pressing on my heart.

"...When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God..."-Genisis 5:3

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness..." -Declaration of Independence

Sam.

After a bit of thought, I feel the need to preface this post by saying that I think that Samuel Burns Collins is absolutely fantastic. His charm and wit draw you to him along with his sweet nature and akward, but loving, attitude towards others.

I have this friend. His name is Sam. Sam is an interesting character. He is a bit younger than me. He attends Samford in Birmingham, Alabama where he makes incredible grades and had a 4.0 Spring semester. Whatever. My point is that he is brilliant, in a creative way, and he knows it. He has a fanciful imagination and uses words like "fanciful", "endearing", and "little one" in everyday conversation. He also ends his sentences with an upward inflection, making him sound not only pretentious, but a tad bit British as well.

Sam and I like to compare everything and everyone to books that we have read, our favorite being "Pride and Prejudice." Sam likes to talk about theology and try to get me riled up (which works most of the time). We like to cook, read, listen to music, talk about pretty much everything, and go for rides in Isabel (the jeep).

A characteristic to be noted in regards to Sam is his ability to dig himself out of the seemingly bottomless holes in which he gleefully throws himself into on a regular basis. Last night, for instance, we were cleaning the kitchen after my scrumptious meal of authentic Mexican food (made authentic by the fact that a real Mexican made it) and we were having a fairly typical Sam and Theresa conversation. We start talking about one of our favorite people, Allison Ross, and I say that I feel like she and I are fairly similar. Sam says "Sometimes. But she's smarter." Ummm. Excuse me? I give him a blank stare, followed by the infamous (somewhat annoying) shriek that, this time, contained the name "Sam" and of course followed the shriek with a well deserved slap on the arm. Sam begins to stutter and backtrack and started comparing himself to Bob Ross (Allison's husband) and stated that Dr. Ross was smarter than himself. This comment was followed by "But, I'm wittier." He rambled on about book reviews and the fact that he would choose mine over Ms. Allison's because mine "would be wittier and would be churned out in five minutes", but that if asked who understood the book better, he would have to say Allison. Seriously? Really? At this point, I am beginning to wonder why we are even friends, but it got better. As he continued to talk about book smarts and school and who is smarter than who, he adds this little kicker "I mean, come on T, you don't do intelligent." I'm sorry, he said what? Yes. That's right apparently, "T" doesn't "do" intelligent. Upon seeing the look of wonder on my face, he again begins to backtrack saying how creative and "witty" I am. Why he thinks saying "witty" five million times will make it better, I have no idea. He continues to praise my "wittiness" and says that I would be most likely to own a paper or magazine (how this has anything to do with being "witty" is beyond me). At this point, I am laughing uncontrollably at the absolute absurdity of the entire conversation. Sam has acquired a sly grin, knowing full well he is off the hook. I congratulated Sam on the saving of his scrawny behind through roundabout reasoning and looks of helplessness.

The above account is a shining example of my relationship with Sam. I am fully aware that Sam will probably read this and I'm OK with that. I've said everything that I have written to his face. So, here's to Sam and the ridiculousness, the charm, the wittiness, and the sheer hilarity that he embodies. He's a pretty swell guy.

"I sing because I'm happy..."

This hymn is a favorite of mine. It has been dubbed as "traditional", but was actually written by Civilla D. Martin and Charles E. Gabriel in 1905, according to Wikipedia which is, by the way, a horrible place to go to for information. For me, this song embodies the way we, as Christians should go through life. Singing, happy, and joyful, knowing full well that worry should be the furthest thing from our minds because we serve a God whose "eye is on the sparrow." If His eye is on the sparrow, does He not look out for those created in His image?

Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free. For His eye is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me.
"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear. And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears. Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise. When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies, I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows fall? Why should my heart be troubled, When all but hope is gone? When Jesus is my fortress. My constant friend is He. His eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me. His eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me!

"That Good Kind of Aching"

Yeah. I don't know what that means either. OK...maybe I do know what that is. And you do too. I've had that "good" kind of aching before. Its been awhile though. It happens when you are completely and incandescently happy. Like when you go away from home for the first time. Or when you experience your first kiss. Or like that time he held you in his arms and whispered your full name and followed it with "I love you." And there was that one time that you went on that trip and got some pretty awesome shots of that mountain...maybe that one's just me. Maybe they are all just me. Those are the times when I, Theresa Naomi Garcia, got that "good" kind of aching.

Lately, however, I have been aching in a not so good way. It's been an aching that just plain hurts. Like that time you stubbed your toe on the doorway going into the living room. And that time you poked yourself in the eye. Or that time you cut yourself shaving. And then there was that time when that boy did that thing and was a jerk and you cried. Not such a good kind of aching. Actually, that one is pretty bad. It hurts the worst. More than the toe, the eye, and the razor cut combined. As in, I would rather have all three of those happen at the same time than ever have the latter happen. Ever.

Grandma Jo was right...again. Boys are more trouble than they are worth. Who knew?

The Day's Details

In my last post, I talked about Grandma Jo and her advice on keeping a journal and recording the day's details. I've been thinking a great deal about journal keeping, considering whether to keep it on this blog or write it out in an actual journal. I've come up with two lists containing the pros and cons of online journal keeping verses a hard copy. Allow me to share.



Pros of online Journaling:

1. It's faster.
2. I have easy access.
3. Everyone can read it.
   

Cons:

1. The art of writing is a dying form.
2. Who wants to read it?
   
3. There might be details that I don't want to make public.
   

Ehh. Who knows? I think I'll stick to the daily details being in my hard copy journal. Still Grandma Jo is right. Per usual.

Don't mess with Texas.

I was talking to my sweet grandmother, Joanne, on Mother's Day and we were catching up on life's little details. Grandma Jo is a true Texas woman. She is one smart lady and I value her opinions a great deal. She is almost always positive and chooses to find the silver lining in most circumstances.

We talked about school, work, our family, and boys. We talked about books and politics, manners and today's society. We talked about writing and photography. I want to share some of the words of wisdom that she gave to me.

• Travel. As much as you possibly can, Travel. Jo has been all over our beautiful world has stories galore to share. She can tell you about Italy, France, England and a lot more.
• Read. Read a lot. Read the classics. Read biographies and novels. Read for pleasure and read to learn. Read to be a better writer. (The last one was specific to me.)
• Keep a journal. Write out the day's details. Write out your emotions. Your communication skills will flourish and grow. Not only that, but you will have something to share with your children one day. (Jo also said that when I become famous and die, my biographers will need to be able to write about me. I am so tempted to write a scandalous life story in a few journals and leave it in plain sight when I die. However, now that I have given away my secret, I don't think that will work.)
• Show compassion for others. You don't know their background or what their day was like.
• Have respect. Treat others how you would like to be treated.
• Boys aren't worth half the trouble they cause. (That's probably the best one)
• Love to the fullest. Don't hold back. Life is too short to not tell or show the people you love the most just how much you care.
• Be smart. Being nice doesn't mean letting yourself be walked on. Use the brains God gave you and take care of yourself.
• Live simply. There is more to life than nice clothes, cars, money, and a fancy house. Use the money for lesson number one. :)

Again, one heck of a lady. I hope I am half the woman she is.

It is well with my soul.

From time to time, we all have moments when we stop to evaluate the world around us. We start sorting and organizing. It's like a good cleaning right before the start of a new season. We weed out the bad, water the good, cut out the old, and cultivate the new and growing. We scrub the floors to make clear the beauty of our foundations. We wipe the windows so that we can better see the world we live in and others can better see who we are. We dust off the furniture that represents the fixtures in our lives so that we can rid ourselves of the marks that are unpleasant and displeasing to the eye. We work hard all day and into the night. We strip the beds and wash the sheets. We light candles and prepare a light dinner. After dinner, we take a cool bath and relax our weary bodies. We then fall into a clean, freshly made bed and close our heavy lids. We have accomplished what we set out to do. We have evaluated all aspects. The emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects that make us who we are. The joys and sorrows, the ups and downs, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. There is a sweetness in the air that comes with the new, clean feeling.

It is in these moments that we are able embrace the stillness that these moments create for us and whisper "It is well with my soul."

These are a few of my favorite things...

I absolutely love quotes and I love to share them. These are some of my favorites.

• "A girl needs to express herself, and I could certainly use a release...I want to dance." ~Audrey Hepburn

There is something about Audrey Hepburn and her innate sense of style and glamour that makes me smile. This particular quote is from "Funny Face" in which she starred opposite of Fred Astaire.

• "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."~Eleanor Roosevelt

One of my favorite ladies of all time. Eleanor Roosevelt was strong-minded and independent. She believed in dreams and a future in a time when dreams were all we had and the future was all but bright.

• "A woman who is convinced that she deserves to accept only the best challenges herself to give the best. Then she is living phenomenally."~Maya Angelou

This quote is encouraging to me. It tells me that it is just fine to accept only the best because it causes me to give the best to others. And I believe that the people in my life deserve the best. Why not do all that I can to make sure that they get just that.

• "Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does, the better."~Andre Gide

This quote reminds me that any gifts that I have came from above and I had nothing to do with it. It reminds me to remain grateful in all I do.

• "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."~Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)

Yet another courageous, strong woman. I admire Martha Washington because of her loyalty to her family and her country. I admire her positive outlook on life and her service to others. Her wisdom shines though this particular quote.

• "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."~Dr. Seuss

Yet another reminder "To thine own self be true..." Not only does this serve as a reminder to myself about me, but also as a reminder to myself about others. We are all unique and beautiful. If someone really matters to me, then I should be willing to accept them for who they are.

• “I think the job of the artist is to remind people of what they have chosen to forget.” -~Arthur Miller

I love this because it reminds me of the real reason of why I do what I do in the theatre world.

• While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance. ~Hans Bos

Just another quote about dancing. This embodies, for me, why I dance, whether it be ballroom or for a show or in my bedroom. I do it because it fills me with JOY.

• "May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and everyone of us."~Mother Teresa's prayer

Not so much a quote as it is a prayer, but I love this. It speaks for itself.

• And I smiled to think God's greatness flowed round our incompleteness ...~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Elizabeth said it all when she said this. No matter where we are in our journey, God's greatness never changes and is there in spite of us. In the words of Paul Pierce "Jesus is like air freshener. He's going to be there anyway."

• Grace finds beauty in everything. ~U2

This speaks for itself.

• "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord."~Psalms 45:11

A constant reminder that God thinks I am beautiful and precious. Hmmm. Bliss.

• "... as much as necessary and as little as possible." - Paul Pierce
• "As my grandmother said....'it's just not done'" - Paul Pierce (I could have an entire section devoted just to him)
• "Don't ever interrupt my mugging for acting." - Paul Pierce. "We don't want acting. We just want the lines." - Jens Rasmussen
• "I'll try to keep it real." - Paul Pierce"The Springer Opera House......keeping it real since 1871." - Kim Hickman

These are because I love my friends and they make me laugh.

"Do you ever have those days where you wake up and you just feel alone?"

The question that prompted this post was posed to me last night by one of my Young Life girls at our weekly bible study. I didn't really have to think about my answer before I responded, but I took a moment to formulate my thoughts. "Yes!" I replied. "I feel this way more than I would like to admit."

As part of my study with the girls last night, we talked about the relationship between Ruth and Naomi. Ruth refused to leave Naomi, no matter what the cost or pain or suffering. She supported them both by doing basic slave labor. She stayed true to her mother-in-law and was adamant that she remain by her side. There was a bond there. This bond was created because of immense sorrow at the loss of people that they loved dearly. In the end, Ruth's devotion to Naomi brought her a romance beyond compare and pulled her into the lineage of Jesus Christ. How awesome is that? The relationship between Ruth and Naomi provides us with an incredible glimpse at the bond that Christ desires to have with us. As sinners, we have experienced incredible loss. God sent His son for us to have a relationship with. To give us someone with whom we could bond and share our joys and sorrows with. Someone with whom we can experience a romance beyond compare. He sent His son to give of Himself in a way that only true friendship and love could. In the end, the reward for our faithfulness to our friendship with Him brings us into the family of Christ and we are able to experience all the benefits of being sons and daughters of the King!

In our discussion time, we talked about friendships and the bonds that we have with various people in our lives. We all contended that we had friendships that never seem to fail us. That no matter the time apart, we were able to pick up where we left off. We discussed the reasons behind these friendships. Most of them were created because of some type of similarity in our lives where we were experiencing the same type of situation. These relationships and bonds are precious to us because we feel a connection. There is a sense of safety in common ground. We crave the companionship of someone who can share in our emotions and feelings, whether good or bad.

While I thought about my own feelings and began to sort out the mess and confusion, I found that there has been a lack of companionship that embodies common ground. Now, please do not take this to mean that there has been a lack of companionship in general. Quite the contrary! I have been surrounded by loving, compassionate friends who have been there for me when I needed them most. Their love and encouragement has prodded me to happiness and joy because they exude happiness, joy, and contentment in their own individual situations. They prayed with me and for me and pushed me towards my Heavenly Father. On those dark mornings when I wanted to pull the covers back over my head and fall back into a dreamless sleep, I reached out to my Rock and Redeemer. On those mornings when I thought "It will be by the grace of God that I get through today...", He never once failed me. He always saw me through. I learned that I didn't necessarily need an earthly companion that had been through the exact same thing that I had been through. What I needed was a Savior who had suffered enormous pain and grief and died on the cross for me. What I needed was His all consuming love, grace, and mercy. And he gave of all three, willingly and to the fullest.

As our time together came to an end, I began to encourage the girls to cultivate their friendships with each other, but more importantly to cultivate their relationship with Jesus. In the moments when we need Him most, when others fail us, He is there. He will never leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)

" I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, Nor the moon by night. The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever." -Psalm 121

The Motto of the Day

I've spent the past few days going back over my blog, reading some old posts, and thinking about the "Who, What, When, Where, and How"'s of the past four years. That's a long time, folks. For those who know me, I like to say "My motto is..." a lot. I've come to realize that I have a variety of motto's and it would probably be more appropriate to say "The Motto of the Day is..." Today, I have decided that the Motto of the Day (MOTD) is "No regrets, only lessons learned." I have learned a great many lessons over the past few years. That's supposed to happen though. It's a part of growing up. Scratch that. It IS growing up. The lessons are what make us who we are.

Another little tidbit that those who know me are fully aware of, is my love of lists. So, with no further ado, here is an infamous list.

Lessons learned (with full gratefulness)**:

1. Not going to Covenant College was the right desicion. LaGrange was the place for me and I am so glad I was there.
2. Not dating in High school was a blessing in disguise. There is no way that I was truly ready to deal with the pressures of dating and relationships.
3. Mom and Dad are right...for the most part. I'm not ready to say that they are always right, because everyone is wrong sometimes, but I am convinced that they have known better than me on many an occasion.
4. Siblings are a gift from God. My mother used to say that I had only child syndrome. I wanted to be the only child so badly, but looking back, who would have played "Little Women" and "Little House on the Prairie" with me if I hadn't had my sweet sisters?
5. Plumber Boy was not who I thought he was. Ah, what can be documented as the romance of 2005. I'm ok with that lesson and I can say that honestly.
6. Sometimes you have to lose someone or something to fully realize how much they meant to you or how much you needed to lose them.
7. Accepting that it was in your best interest to lose them is a hard lesson, but one that needed to be learned.
8. You can burn water.
9. It's ok for plans to not work out. It's better to go with the flow anyway.
10. God's plan is always better than yours. Period.

**Author reserves the right to keep secrets. Although, I must add that I admitted wrong on the plumbing situation a long time ago.

"Can you make yourself love? Can you make yourself be loved?" ~Ann Brashares

Interesting question, yes? In my opinion, love just happens. You just love the child that you bring into the world. You just love your parents. You just love your siblings. You just love your best friend. You just love your partner. Even if something happens between you and any one of the above, you still love one another. It is also my humble opinion that love never really goes away. It may change according to the varying seasons of life. It may wane for a time, but true love never goes away.

I know from personal experience that you cannot make someone love you. Nor do you want to have to make them love you. It is far better to have a natural love than a forced one. Yet, as humans, we sometimes yearn for that one person to love us more or better than anyone else. The one person who cannot (or just will not) love us like we want them to. There can be a myriad of reasons, none of which we want to listen to or accept. Still the reasons are there, staring us down. Daring us to argue. And being the fallen creatures that we are, we argue. We argue until we are blue in the face. We cry until we have no more tears. We feel the hurt and pain until we can feel no more. And even then, there are those of us who cannot give up. Who must argue on. And argue we do. This can go on for days, weeks, months, years. It goes on until we accept the fact that the love is not there and never will be. And still the feelings linger. We still love. We still feel the, arguably less intense, pain of loss and emptiness.

Sounds dramatic, yes? Yet you are having a hard time denying that you have felt this, no? It might have been when you were in the 3rd grade and that cute little boy or girl in your class just didn't pay attention to you. Or it might have been as a teenager when you ached for the love of a parent, a person of the opposite sex, or of someone you admired greatly. Or maybe you feel those feelings now, as an adult. What do you do? Is it old enough that you have moved on or is it fresh and new? Does it only come to mind now and again when you are inadvertently reminded of it? Do you try and push it out of your mind? Do you ignore these feelings by occupying your mind elsewhere? Do you cling to something familiar and sweet?

I, personally, cling to my faith. I reach out to my Savior, the One who knows me better than I know myself. He tells me "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness..." (2 Cor. 12:9) I repeat His promise over and over to myself. He gives me His grace and that is all I need. My feelings of weakness allow Him to bring me closer to Him. He fills me with His love and reassures me that this is enough. He loves me with a love greater than I have ever known. His love is the greatest example of love ever given to mankind. I love because He first loved me. (1 John 4:19) He tells me that there is nothing that I can do to make Him love me and yet He does. This is the "just because love." And it is the best kind.

Young Life

The other morning I received a pretty regular email from Young Life. It was reminding us that we have a concert coming up on the 8th of June. This concert is featuring Allen Levi and Bebo Norman and all the proceeds will go towards a new building on Sharptop Cove. The building will be in memory of Carter Butts, a Young Life kid/leader who was killed in a car accident last year. James Rockwell, our Area Director, wrote a column of sorts about Carter and his Young Life leader, Lumpy. James talked about the Journey that we endeavor when we set out to minister to our high school friends. He shared something another Leader shared with him: "Treat every kid we meet as if we are going to know them the rest of our lives."

For those of you who don't know what Young Life is, it is a group of adults who go into the high schools of any given area and share the gospel with teenagers. We build relationships with these kids and invite them to come to "Club", which is where we sing, play games, share the person of Chirst, and share our stories. You know you have them hooked when they come to "Campaingers" which is our small group bible study. It's at Campaingners that we dig further into the Word and answer the questions that our highschool friends have.


However, Young Life goes beyond Club and Campaigners. It goes beyond baseball games, prom, lunch at the school, and graduation. We have the ability and the opportunity to be at these events because of the relationships that we share with our high school friends. These relationships happen because of God, first and foremost. Because of Him, we (the Leaders) get those 2am phone calls, have our houses rolled and our cars written on. More importantly, we get the opportunity to love on these kids and to make an impact on their lives. Young Life goes beyond graduation. We get to be at weddings and baby showers. We get to be there for life's small accomplishments and the big ones too. Not only do we give these kids their own personal cheerleaders, we gain lifelong friendships and cheerleaders of our own. I love my high school friends and I can't wait for them to be college friends, married friends, mom friends, and old lady friends.

Summer lovin'

Ahh. The sun is bright, the weather is warm, school is almost out, and I can smell the chlorine in the air. Summer is here and I am ready to be sunkissed and enjoy the Georgia sunshine to the fullest.
After finding out this morning that I have passed my math class, I can breath a bit easier. Work is not too stressful, friends will be home for the summer within a few weeks, and my birthday is tomorrow.
So much has changed in a year. This time last year, my life was completely different, but I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and the changes that have occurred. I am stronger, more mature, better equipped to handle whatever life throws my way, but more about that tomorrow.

The Garden

**I am stealing this from Katy B.'s blog. It was written by Lauren Griner's grandmother.**



For the garden of your daily living...

Come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses....

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
Peace of mind
Peace of heart
Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
Squash gossip
Squash indifference
Squash grumbling
Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
Lettuce be faithful
Lettuce be kind
Lettuce be patient
Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
Turnip for meetings
Turnip for service
Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
Thyme for each other
Thyme for family
Thyme for friends

Water freely with patience and cultivate with love. There is much fruit in your garden because you reap what you sow.

And I smiled to think God's greatness flowed round our incompleteness ... -Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Incompleteness. That is the perfect description for my life at the moment. There is a definite sense of wonder and a need to question in me at the moment. After a minor meltdown last night and a nice bout of crying, mixed with sleep and lunch with Mom, the questions and the wonder are still there, but the severity has been lessened. I, by no means, have a full plan or even a half of one. I do, however, have a sense of direction now and that has put my heart at ease. I thrive off of plans, direction, and goals. Lack of any of the before mentioned makes me ancey and a tad nervous. I don't want to talk about my "directions" yet, but when I am more certain, I will share. For now, let it suffice to say that I am thinking, researching, and planning for the summer and fall months.

Change.

So, the past few months have been an adventure for me. I have experienced a lot of change and I have grown so much. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents and siblings, I have the most amazing friends that a girl could ask for, my job is wonderful, school isn't half bad, and I have developed the most intimate relationship I have ever had in Christ.

I have learned a lot of truly valuable lessons lately. I learned that although patience is not a virtue that I am particularly good at, I have gained a lot of it. Girlfriends are a must. Seriously, I don't think that girls realize how important this is. I have learned that family and friends are worth more than any material goods.

I have learned how valuable ME time is. I have always hated the quiet (can you blame me? With ten people around you all the time, quiet is out of place and uncomfortable), but lately I have learned to embrace the moments of stillness. When the world seems to slow down for a minute and you can feel the soft stillness wash over you and a certain peace fills the air, those are the moments when I want to stop and whisper "It is well with my soul." Those moments are few and far between for me in my busy, busy life, but I have learned to create those moments because I find myself craving them out of pure desire and appreciation.

I have learned to be spontaneous. I am a planner to a fault and it irritates everyone around me, including me. I have learned to go with the flow and enjoy the ride. I was missing out on so much before now, all because I had to stick to a plan. I do so much more now because of my willingness to let go and just ride.

I have learned to accept others where they are. I feel like I have always been pretty open to others and their ideas. I really do have a high tolerance level, but at the same time, I set high standards and expectations for myself and that has carried over to being the bar for everyone that I meet. I have learned to put my best foot forward and know in my heart that I have done my personal best, while at the same time, realizing we all have different "personal bests" and accepting everyone at their own level.

I have learned how to slow down. This is a big one for me. By slowing down, I am not talking about the amount of things that I do, but rather slowing down when it comes to life in general. I was trying to rush though life to get to a place where I thought I would be happier. However, I learned that there isn't a point where I am necessarily going to be happier than I am right now. Why not embrace today, learn the lessons that there are there to learn right now, and look towards the future as something that is going to be great, but I can patiently wait for?

The most beautiful and overwhelming lesson that I have learned is to rely fully and completely on and in my Heavenly Father. My life is less stressful, more peaceful, and much richer because of the peace that I have found in Him. I have found my worth and beauty in Him. I have found a peace that passes all understanding. I have found a love like no other and a sense of joy that comes only from Christ.

These are just a few of my many lessons. I feel like I am brimming over right now and I needed to share.

A note.

It seems a little cheesy and cliche to be writing this. Everyone is doing it these days, but it seems that God must be working in a lot of people's lives and everyone wants to share. I think it is amazing to read about all the joy that God is putting in our lives and to hear how He is breaking us down, piece by piece, and showing Himself to us in a new and amazing light.

God has really been working in me these past few months. Since I came home from LaGrange College in January, I have found it hard to believe that He really does have a plan for me. I have been stubbornly refusing to seek His will for my life. For almost 10 months, I have ignored sermons in church, I have quit reading my bible, and I quit living for Him. I can't tell you how many times my sisters or Ben or my parents asked me what I thought about the sermon and I had no response because I had no idea, having ignored the whole thing.

However, God really began breaking me down about two months ago. I became horribly aware of my wretched attitude, my sins, and the lack of true joy in my life. I began to realize that my whole life, I have been living my parents faith. I have been one of those "fake Christians" that the bible warns us about. I started reading my bible and praying. I began to pray that God would fill me with a desire for Him. That He would fill me with his love, grace, strength, and mercy. I know that these revelations and realizations are from God and that this was the beginning of His work in me.

About three weeks ago, I was convicted throughout Sunday School and Church of Christ's faithfulness to me. I was convicted of my sin and unrighteousness before God. It wasn't that I was doing things that I shouldn't be doing, it was that I was not doing the things that I should. In those 10 long months, God remained faithful to me and taught me some incredible lessons. I prayed that God would take me back into His fold, guide and direct me, and place in me a strong yearning and desire for Him.

The next week, a very dear friend from Colorado came down and spent time with our family. He and my dad have been friends for years. He told us amazing stories about the people that he ministers to from his home ministry that he and wife have. Don and Susan have people come into their home and share the Gospel of First John with them. They are an incredible couple with an amazing family. As I listened to Don talk about his life and his ministry, I was overwhelmed by his absolute joy and love for God. Later, I asked him what it was that made his faith so strong. He replied to me that it was the mere simplicity of it all. God is faithful. He sent His only Son to die on the cross for us that we might have eternal life. He loves us and wants the best for our lives. The pureness of His love and the simplicity of His will for us, which is to Glorify Him all the days of our lives, is amazing and wonderful. When it finally dawned on me how simple it all is and how freeing it is to truly cast all "your cares upon Him for He cares for you"...that is when I finally realized just how much I have been missing out on. I have nothing to fear or worry about because God is in control, of all things, at all times. How liberating!

God sure has thrown some curve balls my way over the past year. But He has promised to never give me more than I can handle and I trust him to keep His word. I am finally free! What an awesome God I serve!

I will never fail you. I will never forsake you. Heb 13:5

Ain't life good?

Well, I have been VERY busy these past few weeks. School is back in full swing and I am up to my eyebrows in homework.

I moved into a new apartment this past weekend and I am loving it! My room is kinda small, but really cute. Ben doesn't know it, but when he is home Sunday and Monday, we are going to hang pictures. :-)

School is a little tougher than I thought is was going to be. Math is killing me...again. The professor is much much much much better than before(he went to tech), but I am still struggling. French is harder than I anticipated, but I am enjoying the class and the homework.

Overall, life is pretty good.

Class.

So, Classes started yesterday and I really enjoyed all four. I think that my professors are going to be great and I think that it is going to be a good semester.

I went to Ballroom dance class last night. I do it every Thursday night and it is so much fun. It is a good little work out to swing dance with all the little old men. I just love it!

Work is a little slow today, but I am going to dinner and a movie with my friends, Cameron and Heather Tommey(brother and sister) tonight and I know that is going to be fun. And then my American Idol Audition tomorrow with a possibility of babysitting tomorrow afternoon and then Ben is home for Saturday night and all day Sunday. Fun times!

I am really bored right now. I have errands to run when Melissa gets back from lunch, but until then, it's just me and the old blog and facebook. :-)

Busy-ness.

The past few weeks have been insanely busy! And the past few days have been worse. I have been sick since Saturday and it is driving me insane.

Classes start tomorrow! I am so excited!

Also, in the world of music, I am auditioning to audition for American Idol on Saturday. My sister, Caroline, is going to go with me. There is an audition at our local mall on Saturday from 10-4 and we are going to go and sing. It should be fun. the first 145 in line get to audition for a chance to go to Philadelphia to audition for the real idol judges. Whoever wins that gets to go to Philly and is guaranteed a spot to audition there. Kinda cheesy, I know, but so much fun. :-)

I think that is all that is going on. I have been swamped at work. Ben will be home this weekend for a bit and I am excited about that. Our friend, Scott, is preaching here in town from St. Louis this Sunday and we are going to go and hear him.

That's all for now...

Giving back.

I have been thinking the last few weeks about how to give back. By giving back, I mean finding something to do that fills others and me at the same time. Something that means something. I know it all sounds so vague. I think Ben is rubbing off on me. :-)

I thought about Teen Advisors, but I am convinced that those kids would need all of me, not some of me. When the school year start and I get crazy busy with all of my school work and work, I want them to still be able to have ll of me and I am afraid that wouldn't be possible. The same with Young Life. I am just afraid of not being able to give my all and make it the best that it could be.

As much as I love my job, there is just not that sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. At the end of the day, what have I truly accomplished? A soccer roster? I made a few phone calls. Played on Facebook. Wrote a new blog. Yeah. Not very filling. I am thinking about starting a bible study on Monday nights for girls and just having that time to get away. Mama Lou said that we could meet at her house. I would want it to be late enough that we still had our Monday night dinners together. That time is important to me. I think that once school starts back up, I will see how much time I have left over and will be better able to see how thin I can realistically stretch myself.

I also want to be free to spend time with Ben. I am scared to get too involved in anything for fear that it might cut into the little bit of time that we have together. Saying goodbye is getting harder and harder. I feel like such a wimp crying when he leaves, but it is just so hard. I guess, soon enough we won't have that problem. :-)

The Weekend.

interesting weekend. i have a lot going on in my life with my two families. ben's family and mine are both going through a lot right now. however, it was nice to have the weekend to reconnect and be with one another.

ben and i went to a wedding reception for my friend macie murphy robison and her new husband, dan. she was a beautiful bride and couldn't have looked happier.

ben's mom had a little party at her house, which meant great food on saturday. friday was just long and i am not even going to go there, but dinner was good that night at deorios.
today was long, but good. we went to church this morning in lagrange and then came home and had lunch. ben left this afternoon to go back to atlanta. the more we do this goodbye thing, the harder it gets. i cannot wait for the day when we are together all the time. it is just becoming more and more stressful on the both of us.

after ben left, i snuggle up in my bed and watched 'invasion of the body snatchers." good quality movie right there. then my mom came and asked me if i wanted to go and hear my uncle preach at his new church, so i got up and we drove into town only to find that there is no evening church during the summer there and so mom said that we should just drive around and pick a random church to go to and so we did and ended up at rosehill church of christ. then we went to mcallisters for dinner. it was nice to just sit and talk abut nothing. since i am never home, i hardly get to just chat with mom and so i think that we both enjoyed just being together.

this week, melissa (the girl that i work with) and i are going to re-do the office while ken (my boss) is away. so there is lots of painting in my future...

Soldier Ministry....

Good times tonight at St. Luke! We had soldier ministry and it was fabulous. I was close to tears several times.
This weekend seemed to last for forever. Ben wasn't home this weekend because of summer finals at Tech and it always seems longer when he isn't here. I do get to see him tomorrow! Yea!!!
I have two weeks off from school and I am thrilled! No class, just the occasional brunch and work everyday at noon. I am looking forward to sleeping in lots and maybe doing a bit of reading.

Updates...

Wow. Going back and re-reading old blogs brings back a lot of memories, good and bad.

Life right now is very interesting. I am back in my hometown working for an attorney and going to our local university. I have changed my major twice. I started out in Music and Theatre, then went to English, and have since moved on to Political Science.

I am living at home and it's definitely not all that bad. I get to see Ben most weekends. My week is always full with work and school and the gym. There have been a great deal of changes in my life and they have been good and bad, but they have all happened for a reason.