Monday, June 09, 2008

So, what's the plan?

This is probably a bad time to write a post. Mostly because it has been one of those days. I think you know what I mean when I say that. We all have those days when it just seems like the day couldn't get much worse. And I had one of those days.

As much as I believe that there is a plan for me and my life, I still struggle with doubt and fear. I was talking to my mom earlier about contentment. My definition of contentment is accepting the situation, doing what you have to do to make it work, and not complaining about it. When I think of discontentment, I think of being depressed, complaining all the time, and being generally unhappy. I don't consider myself discontent in that way. Yes, there are things that I would like to change about my situation, but I don't dwell on them. I am generally a happy person, in my opinion. My mom really wants me to see the lessons in my situation and I am looking. I try and take each situation and look at the good that came out of it. Let's look at what I have found.

  1. Leaving LaGrange College. Leaving LC was difficult and, in the beginning, I did not handle it well. I was depressed for several weeks and although I didn't blame anyone for the fact that I was home, I was bitter. However, I can see now that had I not come home I would not have become involved with Young Life, I wouldn't be living with the greatest roommate ever, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to have the greatest job ever, and I might not have found the incredible group of people that I hang out with on a regular basis. Faith is definitely the lesson here. Not knowing why God thought it was a good idea to empty my savings account and then only be at LaGrange for a semester and a JanTerm, lose a semester, have a really crappy first job, and go to CSU most certainly tried my faith and I failed miserably in that department. It wasn't until 10 months later that I was able to fully appreciate and say in all honesty that I was grateful for where God had put me.
  2. Ken Henson retiring. After a year of working for Ken, he decided to stop practicing law and let me and his paralegal go. It was difficult to leave. I loved my job and the people that I worked with. It was the perfect job and I gained so much experience. I found it fairly easy to find another job with the same pay and more hours. Contentment and patience are the lessons I am learning here.
  3. Being at CSU. This was a hard one for me. Even when talking to my mom today, I paused and had to think. Thinking back to the the conversation, I am kind of giggling. There are good things about CSU. I have made some great friends and experienced some fabulous professors. Contentment is probably what I am supposed to learn here. And how to glorify God in every situation.
  4. My current job. Not really on my top ten list of best jobs ever. However, it pays the bills and I have made some great contacts. I go in, do my job, and go home. Endurance is the lesson here. And Contentment.
  5. My car. Definitely one part of my life that I identify as the bane of my existence. This car breaks down at least once a week. BUT, it does get me from point A to point B when it decides to run. When it does decide not to crank, I tell myself that there is a reason that God wants me to be late to wherever it is I am going. So, I am working on my faith and there is the good in that situation.
  6. Relationships. I am not going to go into detail here, but God has most certainly been teaching me lessons. He has been teaching me to lean on Him fully, to have faith in His plan and not my own, to let go of my timeline and live in His, to give up control, to commit all of my worries, fears, cares, and pain to Him, and to find contentment in His love. God has most certainly taught me about faith and shown me my lack of it and His overabundance of it.

There are a lot of lessons. I see them, I really do. And I think that I am doing an OK job of learning them. My prayer for myself and the one that I request of those who pray for me is that I would grow in love, grace, mercy, contentment, peace, patience, and faith. That His will would become my will. That God would mold me into the woman that He desires me to be and that I would serve Him with joyfulness always.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18- "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

God tells us, in a very obvious manner, what His will for our life is. It's not always easy to be joyful, or thankful, or even to pray, but this is what God calls us to do. This goes back to what I said in the beginning of this post about knowing full well that He is going to take care of me and still struggling with doubt and fear. He does have a plan, His will for me is obvious, and everything He wants for me is ten million times better than what I want for me.


Kelly McAbee said...

Girl, I wonder why God has me get in the situations I get into. I am trying to find His glory in them still, but I still thank Him for what he has given me. It is hard to understand most times, but He knows what He is doing!!

T said...

I like to be in control and it is hard for me to give it up, espeically to God. I know this is part of what He is perfecting in me and that is the ability to let go of everything and trust Him fully.

I am so glad you are reading this!