Tuesday, January 31, 2006

life....love...and life....

So, I have been thinking a lot about love and life and how the two should go together more and just don't. I mean, people live and yet, all too often, they don't love. My sister and I were having a conversation about the word love and how often we use the phrase "I love you" and the truth is, that I say it more than she does. She is afraid of being burnt if she says it and the person she says it to doesn't say it back. I have said "I love you" to someone and they did not return the expression. However, it didn't really bother me, because I knew, all three times, that that the person in question really did love me and was just holding back. Why? I don't know. Two of those times, it was returned and all was good. The third was never returned. All the same, it has made no difference to me, because I expressed my feelings and that was what I needed to do.
Imagine that your life ended tomorrow. What would you do? Right now. What would you start to do right now? I would be terrified that the people I love the most would not know how much they mean to me. It makes sense to me to say "I love you" as much as possible. You never know what will happen to you or to someone else and I want those around me to know how much I care.
Love is such an important thing. Not only to express with words, but with actions. There are so many actions that express love. Making your bed without being told to, giving your friend a wake-up call, picking up a piece of trash on the street, cooking dinner for your family. All these things say "I love you and I care enough to show you".
It's the simplicity of it all that amazes me. How easy is it to say "I love you"? Very. It doesn't take much.
Human beings crave love. It's just a fact. I crave love and affection. I need to hear it and see it all the time. And I do. I see it and feel it and hear it all the time. But that could also be because I look for it. It is not always the easiest thing to see, but if you look at everything through eyes that are looking for love, you will see it.
I love simplicity. It's the little things that make me smile and sigh and think " I love life". God has given me so much and to think how ungrateful I am at times. It makes me sick and then I remember that I am human and I ask God's forgiveness and He grants me that forgiveness and I realize how blessed I am. I love because He first loved me. The only reason that I love like I do, is because of Him. How awesome is that? I know that I have a HUGE capacity for love. That is one of my spiritual gifts. God choose me to have that gift and to bring glory to Him through that. Why me? I am a wretched finite creature that is nothing with out Him, but He chose me anyway. What an awesome God I serve!

Monday, January 30, 2006

Back to the norm....

So the house sitting thing is over and I am back to living at home, which doesn't completely suck...Yet.
I have been talking to Jens about school again. He wanted to know why I am not going to a conservatory if I am going to go to school for theatre. I tried to blame the whole thing on, my mom and he told me not to. He said that he knew that part of it is my mom, but there was something more and he wanted to know what is was. I finally told him that I was scared. I was scared to take the risk of a conservatory. At a conservatory, all you do is theatre. At a college, you are able to explore more. I didn't want to be tied down to theatre. The thing is, I am already tied to theatre. I know that I am supposed to do theatre. God has given me a passion and desire to do theatre. It would be a waste and wrong to not try and better myself in the area that God has gifted me in.
I have decided to go to LaGrange College for at least a year and then apply to Julliard in NYC. I need to be challenged. Jens told me that his biggest fear for me is that I will go to college and be in a theatre department where I will know more than the other students and be on the same level as my profs. I do need to be challenged. If I am not challenged, than what's the point?
I am excited about this new plan. It's a plan that I should have had all along. Lots of prayer is still happening, but I know that God is going to guide and direct me. I feel Him calling me into theatre. I know that is where I am supposed to be. I have the bug. Bad. I haven't been on stage since July. It is now January and it is driving me bananas. I have an audition on Wednesday night. It's for OLIVIATOWN at the Springer. I have auditions at CSU and LaGrange in Febuary and March for the drama and voice departments. Fingers crossed. Pray that all will go well.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


so this whole house-sitting thing is neat, but there is nothing to it. I mean, I feed the cats, water some plants, get the mail, sleep on their bed, watch t.v., and get on their computer. yeah...There is nothing to this. There is no food in this house. Courtney is all about soy and organic and while I love being vegetarian for awhile and I do love organic, I cannot do soy and there is nothing here to eat. I need to go to the grocery store. I am hungry.
I have Spanish today which I am not looking forward to, but I am going to smile and take it for what it is worth.
Last night, I was overcome with a feeling of love and I feel asleep thinking "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!" I know that sounds weird, but I was, at that very moment, overwhelmed by the love that I have for my family and friends and so very grateful to my Creator for His blessing me with these very special people.
Anyway...annabeck spent the night last night. We had a good time and she just left for school. Sometimes I wish that I had to get up and go to school, just to see what it was like. I would have loved to have gone to school for highschool. I am grateful that my parents sacrificed and homeschooled me, but at the same time I feel like I might have missed something. I mean, Annabeck has amazing friends that she hangs with all the time. They are the same group of people all the time. I don't have a group. I have alot of friends, but not one specific group and I kinda wish that I had one specific group. It's not the same when people are like "hey, I'll call you when we all get together". I mean that is really nice and I always go, but I think that if I had been allowed to go to school, I would just have that network of support built in. I don't know, I may sound like a very ungrateful person and I swear that I am not, I would just like to be a little more normal sometimes. I love my life for the most part. Who doesn't wish some parts of their lives were different? But at the same time, I am happy at were God has put me and I know that He has a plan for me.
I am telling you, ever since a certain situation in my life went away...I feel this peace and calm all the time. My friend, Jens, commented just the other day how peaceful and serene I seem all of the sudden. I just smiled. Which caused him to smile and say "that's what I mean." Hmm...:-) I am happy. Really happy. God is good in all things, at all times. What a comfort and a joy!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Update on the life of theresa

Oh my goodness! I don't know where to start. It has been so long since I have written anything and there has been so much going on.
Let's see. There was a certain situation in my life that was struggling with and I have let go and moved on and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel more at peace and much calmer than I have in awhile. I know that God has been in control this whole time and that He continues to be and life is SO good.
I am in the middle of a production of ROMEO AND JULIET. That is going pretty well. We open this thursday. We are ready.. I thank. I wasn't at rehearsal today because to day is Sunday. I think that I have made up my mind on this whole Sunday thing... I think. I have been saying that for months and then I always change my mind. I know that it is very important to my parents that none of do any "work" on the Sabbath and I understand that we need to keep the Sabbath holy. I agree with that wholeheartedly, but I also think that by resting God means for us to rest our minds and bodies and you can be at home sitting on your rear after church and not be resting in Him, which is what it is all about. I think that I can be at the Springer or on the computer or mowing the lawn, and still be resting in God. Maybe that's just me and some crazy theology idea that I have in my head, but that is where I think that I stand....Again with the whole thinking thing.
Next on the list: College. I found out yesterday that I was accepted at Lagrange College with a guaranteed $4500 scholarship(hopefully with more to come). My mom informed me the other day that she and dad wanted to remodel the attic above my dad's dental office into a "loft apartment". That way I could go to CSU and die in Columbus of sheer boredom and a broken heart(the broken heart would be from all the depression from all the "what if's?" that I will carry to my grave). Yeah.. I'm not really diggin' that idea. Wonder why?
Let me see...what else? Hmmm. I am going to be teaching yoga at the new gym in town. I should start soon. We'll see. I am pretty excited about this. I would paid and be teaching a few times a week. I would get a free membership to the gym and that will be GREAT!! It will save my mom the money she wants to spend for me join her at CURVES. I like CURVES, but there are classes at this gym and there are more machines for me to work with. I think that this will be better.
Also, this is kinda weird. My friend, Rachel, and I were talking and she was telling me about all theses people that we know that are our age and the are getting married. How weird is that? This should not be happening for a few years, right? I mean, I always thought that I would be in alot of weddings around my 3rd year of college. I have so much more money to save for all the shoes and dresses and gifts. :-) Kinda crazy, I know. I just don't know how I feel about all that. I mean, I know that I was, at one point, convinced that I was going to go to college and get married pretty soon, but I am very much thinking differently now. I know that we all go through stages like that or most of us do, but these people are ENGAGED with rings and everything. I like being the way that I am with lots of friends and not having to worry about anyone but me. It's nice. I do think that it is sweet that mt best friend, annabeck, has a boyfriend now. I haven't meet him, but he sounds like a nice guy. I swear though, if he hurts her, I will come after him. I will. Do not mess with the mexican. Really not a good idea.
I think that is all for now. this is a really long blog and I am getting tired of typing. My sister, Caroline, and I are house sitting this week and so I am at that house. It's kinda fun. My mom is driving me crazy. We are about 20 minutes from home and when we got here she wanted me to call her while we were going into the house and talk to her until I locked the door. CRAZY!!!! This is why I CANNOT STAY AT CSU!!!!

Monday, January 09, 2006


Wow!! I have been planning a surprise party for my parents 20th wedding anniversary since August! It finally all came together on Saturday night. It was great fun. I had a couple of friends of mine dj the whole thing and I had lots of food help from so many folks. We danced the night away and, I do believe that, a good time was had by all.
The whole day was crazy. I had to run errands and cook and finish making all the decorations and I had to be the barn(where the party was) at 4pm, so that Zach(the dj) could set up. I was terrified that I wouldn't have enough time to set everything up. But I ended up having more than enough time and I found myself just sitting there, because Zach wouldn't let me help him set his stuff up.
The dancing was the best part. There were lots of guys to dance with and it was fun to watch my parents try and dance. I was surprised at the number of people who could really dance. I haven't done the Swing in awhile and it was great fun to practice.
I am so glad that it's all over. It one less thing for me to worry about. Now I have Romeo and Juliet to occupy my time with.
All in all, my week has been good. I have made some new friends and I have been able to hang out with old ones. I gave a rockin' party and I loved it. I am one happy girl!!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

hmm, life can be so good....

I am in the middle of a production of ROMEO AND JULIET. It's going really well. We have a great cast and I just found out today that they are going to PAY me!!!! YEAH!!! I need the money soooo badly! I like being the ASM and I know this is going to be the experience of a lifetime.
This year is going to be interesting, I know. I have an amazing network of support! I have amazing friends and amazing sisters that keep me sane and in reality, while at the same time, helping me find my crazy side. I am so grateful that God has put people in my life like Annabeck and Kim. People who know me and love me anyway. I know that God has great plans for me this year and I am excited about watching the plan unfold.