Friday, August 29, 2008

It's not too much

After nine months, I can listen to Carla Bruni, some of The Decemberists, and the Garden State soundtrack. I don't watch Jeopardy, but that is more because I am not home when it comes on. Not playing golf is more of a time issue and going to Atlanta is something that I do pretty regularly. There's a little black dress that I moved to front of my closet and a sweatshirt that I wore just the other day. Writing out the story, like I swore I would, is a slow process, but is coming along nicely. I eat at Speakeasy and I drive by HHS on my way to work. The Market is one of my favorite places to eat and I go to the Riverwalk to shoot photographs or write. I still love my college football, basketball, and baseball teams and will cheer for the Yellow Jackets forever.

For the first time in my life, I am ok with not knowing what is going to happen next. I know that the future holds some good and not-so-good moments and I am ready to embrace both with passion, gusto, and fearlessness. I know that these moments will help me to grow and I know that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." I am confident in His love, grace, and mercy in my life. I am beautiful in His eyes. I am worth something because of Him. I am confident not in myself or because of something that I have done, but because He commands me to live a life free of fear, not to be timid, and to be joyful in all things. This is His will for my life. My faith is so weak and He uses times like these to show me that He has had it all planned out the whole time.

I'm just fine. Even when it seems like too much, even when I want to cry, even when I am reminded, I am just fine.

"...and you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security...and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight... And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth ,and you learn, and you learn..."-Veronica A. Shoffstall

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