Monday, November 03, 2008

My Love Story

Caroline and Liz have been journaling their love stories and I had said that I wanted to do it too. However, time does not seem to be on my side. So, instead of journaling the same way that my sweet lady friends are, I am going to use my favorite method and write it here.

I am sure that you are thinking that by "love story" I am talking about my "l-o-v-e" story. However, I am talking about the love story that was written for me before the beginning of time. The one that started with a man who gave his life for me. What girl doesn't want to know that the man who is pursuing her would give his life for. Well, I found my dream guy because this man loved me so much that he died the most painful death imaginable to save me. He died on a cross for me and we hadn't even begun our relationship yet. That is love!

Let's start where I actually come into the story. It all started in April 30th, 1988. I was born. Crazy, yeah? That my love story starts then? Well, it does, so stick with me. My parents kept telling me about this guy. They would read me stories about him, sing songs about him, encourage me to talk to him (even though I couldn't see him), and take me to hear other people talk about him. And they weren't the only ones. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, and friends all talked about this guy all the time.

I distinctly remember a Sunday morning when I told my dad I wanted to be in a relationship with this guy. I was five. WHOA. I'm sorry, what? That's right, I was five. And my dad said ok. This is getting crazier, I know. Here's the thing, we still hadn't met and wouldn't for a long time. We talked a lot, but we never saw one another. Very long distance thing going on here. Stick with me, OK? I promise this story rocks.

Years went by and I would tell people I was in a relationship with this person, but looking back, I think it was more because my parents wanted me to be and not something I was really into. High school was weird because we were still in a relationship, but it was off and on. I couldn't make up my mind.

One day, when I was about seventeen, I met someone that I really liked. His name was Jared. And the funny thing was, my relationship with the guy I had been with since I was five became even stronger. We talked a lot more and I spent a lot of time reading love letters that he had written me. Still, I was really digging Jared. It turns out, Jared wasn't all I thought he was and I broke up with him. But guess what? That guy from before, he was still around and he helped me get back on my feet. We picked up where we had left off.

It wasn't long after that mess, that he introduced me to this guy named Ben. This was the beginning of my first, honest to goodness, real life romance. I was in love. For real in love for the first time in my life. For the first time in my life, I was willing to give up everything I knew, loved, wanted, and needed for someone else. I had never known love like this before. I was loved in a way that I had never experienced and I knew that this is the way that I wanted to feel forever. Ben seemed to feel the same way. And I know that he did at the time. We began making plans for our future and before I knew it, almost two years had gone by and we were engaged.

I am sure you wondering what happened to the guy that gave up his life for me. Where did he go? Well, to be honest, I kinda dumped him. Ben and I were so happy and while we did talk about him, it wasn't as much as we should have. We thought we had everything under control. Well, we didn't.

Neither one of us were as happy as we pretended to be. I was searching for something and during the month of October in 2007, I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Ben's mom, Lou, sent me a devotional via email. It was about a woman named Martha and how she had a special, intimate relationship with the same guy that I had been in a relationship with before. The devotional talked about how their relationship was so intimate that Martha knew she could ask for anything and he would give it to her. She was searching for something and he was the answer. This made the wheels in my brain start spinning. Before I knew it, I was revisiting those love letters he had written me so long ago. We started talking again and I was excited about our new found relationship.

The first Sunday in November was like the straw that broke the camel's back. All through Sunday School and Church, I was convicted of my incredible need for this man in my life. I knew that I had been wrong to dump him before. I spent a lot of time talking to him again and got back on the same page. For the next little bit, all I could talk about was him and I wanted to tell everybody that we were back together. Even Ben was excited. I was happier and that was what he wanted to see.

Now, this guy, he has this knack for timing everything perfectly. Three weeks later, my world was rocked when Ben announced that he needed a break. I was devastated. However, the man that had been there through it all made no exception this time either. He was there to comfort and console me.

Ben and I talked and talked and talked. Nothing was coming to a conclusion. In fact, it was getting longer and longer. Then, we were talking less and less and I began to realize that this was the beginning of the end. You know what that other guy did? He made sure that I had friends, family, and plenty of activities to fill my time. He made sure that we spent a lot of time together, talking, writing love letters, and thinking. He told me that He would never leave me or forsake me. He told me that He was enough for me. He told me that He would play the role of my husband, father, and best friend.

What is this awesome guy's name, you ask? Jesus. I'll give you His number. As committed as He is to me, He is very open to being in relationships with other people.

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