Summer lovin'

Ahh. The sun is bright, the weather is warm, school is almost out, and I can smell the chlorine in the air. Summer is here and I am ready to be sunkissed and enjoy the Georgia sunshine to the fullest.
After finding out this morning that I have passed my math class, I can breath a bit easier. Work is not too stressful, friends will be home for the summer within a few weeks, and my birthday is tomorrow.
So much has changed in a year. This time last year, my life was completely different, but I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and the changes that have occurred. I am stronger, more mature, better equipped to handle whatever life throws my way, but more about that tomorrow.

The Garden

**I am stealing this from Katy B.'s blog. It was written by Lauren Griner's grandmother.**



For the garden of your daily living...

Come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses....

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
Peace of mind
Peace of heart
Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
Squash gossip
Squash indifference
Squash grumbling
Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
Lettuce be faithful
Lettuce be kind
Lettuce be patient
Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
Turnip for meetings
Turnip for service
Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
Thyme for each other
Thyme for family
Thyme for friends

Water freely with patience and cultivate with love. There is much fruit in your garden because you reap what you sow.

And I smiled to think God's greatness flowed round our incompleteness ... -Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Incompleteness. That is the perfect description for my life at the moment. There is a definite sense of wonder and a need to question in me at the moment. After a minor meltdown last night and a nice bout of crying, mixed with sleep and lunch with Mom, the questions and the wonder are still there, but the severity has been lessened. I, by no means, have a full plan or even a half of one. I do, however, have a sense of direction now and that has put my heart at ease. I thrive off of plans, direction, and goals. Lack of any of the before mentioned makes me ancey and a tad nervous. I don't want to talk about my "directions" yet, but when I am more certain, I will share. For now, let it suffice to say that I am thinking, researching, and planning for the summer and fall months.

Change.

So, the past few months have been an adventure for me. I have experienced a lot of change and I have grown so much. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents and siblings, I have the most amazing friends that a girl could ask for, my job is wonderful, school isn't half bad, and I have developed the most intimate relationship I have ever had in Christ.

I have learned a lot of truly valuable lessons lately. I learned that although patience is not a virtue that I am particularly good at, I have gained a lot of it. Girlfriends are a must. Seriously, I don't think that girls realize how important this is. I have learned that family and friends are worth more than any material goods.

I have learned how valuable ME time is. I have always hated the quiet (can you blame me? With ten people around you all the time, quiet is out of place and uncomfortable), but lately I have learned to embrace the moments of stillness. When the world seems to slow down for a minute and you can feel the soft stillness wash over you and a certain peace fills the air, those are the moments when I want to stop and whisper "It is well with my soul." Those moments are few and far between for me in my busy, busy life, but I have learned to create those moments because I find myself craving them out of pure desire and appreciation.

I have learned to be spontaneous. I am a planner to a fault and it irritates everyone around me, including me. I have learned to go with the flow and enjoy the ride. I was missing out on so much before now, all because I had to stick to a plan. I do so much more now because of my willingness to let go and just ride.

I have learned to accept others where they are. I feel like I have always been pretty open to others and their ideas. I really do have a high tolerance level, but at the same time, I set high standards and expectations for myself and that has carried over to being the bar for everyone that I meet. I have learned to put my best foot forward and know in my heart that I have done my personal best, while at the same time, realizing we all have different "personal bests" and accepting everyone at their own level.

I have learned how to slow down. This is a big one for me. By slowing down, I am not talking about the amount of things that I do, but rather slowing down when it comes to life in general. I was trying to rush though life to get to a place where I thought I would be happier. However, I learned that there isn't a point where I am necessarily going to be happier than I am right now. Why not embrace today, learn the lessons that there are there to learn right now, and look towards the future as something that is going to be great, but I can patiently wait for?

The most beautiful and overwhelming lesson that I have learned is to rely fully and completely on and in my Heavenly Father. My life is less stressful, more peaceful, and much richer because of the peace that I have found in Him. I have found my worth and beauty in Him. I have found a peace that passes all understanding. I have found a love like no other and a sense of joy that comes only from Christ.

These are just a few of my many lessons. I feel like I am brimming over right now and I needed to share.

A note.

It seems a little cheesy and cliche to be writing this. Everyone is doing it these days, but it seems that God must be working in a lot of people's lives and everyone wants to share. I think it is amazing to read about all the joy that God is putting in our lives and to hear how He is breaking us down, piece by piece, and showing Himself to us in a new and amazing light.

God has really been working in me these past few months. Since I came home from LaGrange College in January, I have found it hard to believe that He really does have a plan for me. I have been stubbornly refusing to seek His will for my life. For almost 10 months, I have ignored sermons in church, I have quit reading my bible, and I quit living for Him. I can't tell you how many times my sisters or Ben or my parents asked me what I thought about the sermon and I had no response because I had no idea, having ignored the whole thing.

However, God really began breaking me down about two months ago. I became horribly aware of my wretched attitude, my sins, and the lack of true joy in my life. I began to realize that my whole life, I have been living my parents faith. I have been one of those "fake Christians" that the bible warns us about. I started reading my bible and praying. I began to pray that God would fill me with a desire for Him. That He would fill me with his love, grace, strength, and mercy. I know that these revelations and realizations are from God and that this was the beginning of His work in me.

About three weeks ago, I was convicted throughout Sunday School and Church of Christ's faithfulness to me. I was convicted of my sin and unrighteousness before God. It wasn't that I was doing things that I shouldn't be doing, it was that I was not doing the things that I should. In those 10 long months, God remained faithful to me and taught me some incredible lessons. I prayed that God would take me back into His fold, guide and direct me, and place in me a strong yearning and desire for Him.

The next week, a very dear friend from Colorado came down and spent time with our family. He and my dad have been friends for years. He told us amazing stories about the people that he ministers to from his home ministry that he and wife have. Don and Susan have people come into their home and share the Gospel of First John with them. They are an incredible couple with an amazing family. As I listened to Don talk about his life and his ministry, I was overwhelmed by his absolute joy and love for God. Later, I asked him what it was that made his faith so strong. He replied to me that it was the mere simplicity of it all. God is faithful. He sent His only Son to die on the cross for us that we might have eternal life. He loves us and wants the best for our lives. The pureness of His love and the simplicity of His will for us, which is to Glorify Him all the days of our lives, is amazing and wonderful. When it finally dawned on me how simple it all is and how freeing it is to truly cast all "your cares upon Him for He cares for you"...that is when I finally realized just how much I have been missing out on. I have nothing to fear or worry about because God is in control, of all things, at all times. How liberating!

God sure has thrown some curve balls my way over the past year. But He has promised to never give me more than I can handle and I trust him to keep His word. I am finally free! What an awesome God I serve!

I will never fail you. I will never forsake you. Heb 13:5

Ain't life good?

Well, I have been VERY busy these past few weeks. School is back in full swing and I am up to my eyebrows in homework.

I moved into a new apartment this past weekend and I am loving it! My room is kinda small, but really cute. Ben doesn't know it, but when he is home Sunday and Monday, we are going to hang pictures. :-)

School is a little tougher than I thought is was going to be. Math is killing me...again. The professor is much much much much better than before(he went to tech), but I am still struggling. French is harder than I anticipated, but I am enjoying the class and the homework.

Overall, life is pretty good.

Class.

So, Classes started yesterday and I really enjoyed all four. I think that my professors are going to be great and I think that it is going to be a good semester.

I went to Ballroom dance class last night. I do it every Thursday night and it is so much fun. It is a good little work out to swing dance with all the little old men. I just love it!

Work is a little slow today, but I am going to dinner and a movie with my friends, Cameron and Heather Tommey(brother and sister) tonight and I know that is going to be fun. And then my American Idol Audition tomorrow with a possibility of babysitting tomorrow afternoon and then Ben is home for Saturday night and all day Sunday. Fun times!

I am really bored right now. I have errands to run when Melissa gets back from lunch, but until then, it's just me and the old blog and facebook. :-)

Busy-ness.

The past few weeks have been insanely busy! And the past few days have been worse. I have been sick since Saturday and it is driving me insane.

Classes start tomorrow! I am so excited!

Also, in the world of music, I am auditioning to audition for American Idol on Saturday. My sister, Caroline, is going to go with me. There is an audition at our local mall on Saturday from 10-4 and we are going to go and sing. It should be fun. the first 145 in line get to audition for a chance to go to Philadelphia to audition for the real idol judges. Whoever wins that gets to go to Philly and is guaranteed a spot to audition there. Kinda cheesy, I know, but so much fun. :-)

I think that is all that is going on. I have been swamped at work. Ben will be home this weekend for a bit and I am excited about that. Our friend, Scott, is preaching here in town from St. Louis this Sunday and we are going to go and hear him.

That's all for now...

Giving back.

I have been thinking the last few weeks about how to give back. By giving back, I mean finding something to do that fills others and me at the same time. Something that means something. I know it all sounds so vague. I think Ben is rubbing off on me. :-)

I thought about Teen Advisors, but I am convinced that those kids would need all of me, not some of me. When the school year start and I get crazy busy with all of my school work and work, I want them to still be able to have ll of me and I am afraid that wouldn't be possible. The same with Young Life. I am just afraid of not being able to give my all and make it the best that it could be.

As much as I love my job, there is just not that sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. At the end of the day, what have I truly accomplished? A soccer roster? I made a few phone calls. Played on Facebook. Wrote a new blog. Yeah. Not very filling. I am thinking about starting a bible study on Monday nights for girls and just having that time to get away. Mama Lou said that we could meet at her house. I would want it to be late enough that we still had our Monday night dinners together. That time is important to me. I think that once school starts back up, I will see how much time I have left over and will be better able to see how thin I can realistically stretch myself.

I also want to be free to spend time with Ben. I am scared to get too involved in anything for fear that it might cut into the little bit of time that we have together. Saying goodbye is getting harder and harder. I feel like such a wimp crying when he leaves, but it is just so hard. I guess, soon enough we won't have that problem. :-)

The Weekend.

interesting weekend. i have a lot going on in my life with my two families. ben's family and mine are both going through a lot right now. however, it was nice to have the weekend to reconnect and be with one another.

ben and i went to a wedding reception for my friend macie murphy robison and her new husband, dan. she was a beautiful bride and couldn't have looked happier.

ben's mom had a little party at her house, which meant great food on saturday. friday was just long and i am not even going to go there, but dinner was good that night at deorios.
today was long, but good. we went to church this morning in lagrange and then came home and had lunch. ben left this afternoon to go back to atlanta. the more we do this goodbye thing, the harder it gets. i cannot wait for the day when we are together all the time. it is just becoming more and more stressful on the both of us.

after ben left, i snuggle up in my bed and watched 'invasion of the body snatchers." good quality movie right there. then my mom came and asked me if i wanted to go and hear my uncle preach at his new church, so i got up and we drove into town only to find that there is no evening church during the summer there and so mom said that we should just drive around and pick a random church to go to and so we did and ended up at rosehill church of christ. then we went to mcallisters for dinner. it was nice to just sit and talk abut nothing. since i am never home, i hardly get to just chat with mom and so i think that we both enjoyed just being together.

this week, melissa (the girl that i work with) and i are going to re-do the office while ken (my boss) is away. so there is lots of painting in my future...

Soldier Ministry....

Good times tonight at St. Luke! We had soldier ministry and it was fabulous. I was close to tears several times.
This weekend seemed to last for forever. Ben wasn't home this weekend because of summer finals at Tech and it always seems longer when he isn't here. I do get to see him tomorrow! Yea!!!
I have two weeks off from school and I am thrilled! No class, just the occasional brunch and work everyday at noon. I am looking forward to sleeping in lots and maybe doing a bit of reading.

Updates...

Wow. Going back and re-reading old blogs brings back a lot of memories, good and bad.

Life right now is very interesting. I am back in my hometown working for an attorney and going to our local university. I have changed my major twice. I started out in Music and Theatre, then went to English, and have since moved on to Political Science.

I am living at home and it's definitely not all that bad. I get to see Ben most weekends. My week is always full with work and school and the gym. There have been a great deal of changes in my life and they have been good and bad, but they have all happened for a reason.

Life update...

I am working two jobs and I think that i might die before I get to college. I am going crazy and not getting enough sleep and probably not eatting the way that I should.

Friends are good, family is good, college preperations are good, time is non-exsistent. I miss my life.

Other than that, I have nothing to add. I just want everyone to know that I am alive and well. Really.

Graduation Gift

My Parents gave me a LAPTOP!!!!! I am so excited! It has internet and all this really neat stuff. I was kinda worried about not having a computer of my own at school, but this is amazing!!! I didn't expect this at all.

I keep saying the same thing over and over. I am so excited!!!!!

I have the sweetest, most wonderfulest parents in the whole world!!

Graduation...

Hmmm..It's over! Praise the Lord! It was beautiful and I did savor the moments, but it was a long weekend.

I got up early and started to get stuff together. I was at the church by 12:30pm and got my table ready. I was a little freaked out when it was 1:30 and my speakers were not there yet...Yeah, that was a little scary.

Jack Rodgers and Scott Barber spoke and the were both AMAZING!! Caroline surprised me and sang me a beautiful song called "MY WISH". It was amazing and I cried my eyes out.

Afterwards, there were a million and twelve pictures to take. Then I left with Anna and Ben and we dropped Anna off and went and ran some errands for Mama Lou. There was a nice party for Anna. I got to meet the vast a majority of the Beck/Wingfield family and that was very interesting. They are all so funny. I really loved Mama Lou's sister, Vera. Too Cute!

All in all, it was a great weekend. I love my family and I love my friends!

College...Here I come!!

It's TOMORROW!!!!

I graduate from highschool tomorrow! I have so much to do before then. There are gifts to finish and food to prepare for the reception and letters to write and so much more.

I am excited about my graduation, but I think that I am more excited about it being over and being able to focus on Annabeck for the rest of the day. I am trying to savor these moments. I know it only happens once and I know that it will be over in a New York minute.

I don't even really have time to be writing this. I don't know what I am thinking. I have a rehearsal with my piano teacher for tomorrow. I am singing the National Anthem. I have a hair appointment this afternoon. I need to finish up the slideshow by burning it on to CD's.

More later....

Graduation Countdown...

Graduation is only 5 days away...I can't believe it. I have so much to do and there don't seem to be enough hours in the day.

Today was not the greatest day in the whole world, but I did find my graduation dress(which is one more thing that I can cross off my list). I love it. It is not what I was looking for, but it is perfect and very me. I'll post pics later.

I start a new job next week. I am going to be working a bbq place and I am kinda excited about it. It's going to be a killer summer, but things are going to work out just fine. They always do. :-)

I am starting to get sleepy and I have a big day tomorrow...So I am signing off for the night. But there will be lots to share this week, I am sure.

Party!!

My birthday dinner was tonight. Annabeck, Ben Beck, and Rachel Sussenbach came over and we had steak. Yummy. Then there cookie cake and banana split ice cream(my favorite). There were gifts and a rousing game of PIG, because Anna has two tests tomorrow and didn't have time for HORSE. :-)

We all had a good time, I do believe. I go the new Josh Groban CD and a Jack Johnson CD. Really excited about both of those.

Good day, good night. I am really happy. Enough said. :-)

I am so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open...

Today has been a CRAZY day. We went to church this morning. Ben Beck came too. That was nice. We all went and ate lunch and drove back to Columbus for our piano recital. That was my last piano recital and I was so proud of myself for keeping it together. :-)

We had Awana this afternoon. It was the last night. YEA!!! We get the summer off. Of course, I won't be there in the fall anyway, because of school.

Good day...long day. I need sleep. It's been a long week, with late nights and early mornings.

Life is good...

I cannot believe how great things are right now. I am just enjoying life and all that it has to offer.

Tonight I went to Brookstone's girl's soccer game...They lost. But a good time was had by all.

Lucy and I then went to get ice cream. And then I went to Anna's house for awhile. We played Frisbee in the hardaway field across the street. We are so sporty!!!

I got a new razor phone today. I love it. It make me very happy...In a non-materialistic way, of course.

All in all, I feel good about the way things are in my life. I am excited about the future, while savoring the present. Good way to live, I think. Obviously, that's why I am living that way.

God has been so good to me. I am blessed to have what I have. Relationships, clothes, food, a car to drive, life in general. I don't deserve all the goodness that exists in my life and yet, it's there. I sure do lover that God of mine! :-)