Christmas time

I love Christmas time. I love the tree and the lights and all the smells that go with the idea of Christmas. I love the people and the music. I must say that I hate the shopping. If I had a credit card, I would have done all my shopping online. I hate the lines and all the crowds that push and shove. If I don't have to buy anything, then it's not so bad being at the mall. Like I said, I don't mind the people, it's just all the looking. I am a girl and I do like to shop, it's just that Christmas makes shopping so ick. It puts you on a time schedule to get your shopping done and who needs a schedule or a time limit on shopping? Nobody!
This year will be a different kind of Christmas. There will be a lot of tension at my house. It will not be as joyful and as happy as it has been every other year and that will be all my fault. If I had done what my parents had asked me to do and stayed clam and not taken everything into my own hands, everything would be like it is every other year. Sometimes, like today, I wish that I had a family like annabeck. There may be things that I don't see and wouldn't want to see, but there is a sense of trust and forgiveness for the mistakes that Mama Lou and Woody know that the kids will make. Here, you screw up and your life is over.
I know that God is in control and I know that all will be fine in the end, but right now I feel the heaviness of guilt and I want some kind of normalcy in my life once again.
Wouldn't it be great to be a normal teenager? Wouldn't it be great to be able to go and do something with out feeling like the odd man out because you have to be home by 10pm on a Friday night? Yes, it would feel great. One day....
So for now, I am going to pretend like all is well in my world and put on a happy face for all my siblings. They deserve a tension free Christmas.