Friday, December 30, 2005

That thing called college...

Does it even matter where you go, as long as you go? Do you even have to go? I have to go for me. I have to challenge myself and do this for me. I will go and I will graduate and I might even get my masters. I might go to law school. I don't know. I need support from my mom in this. I know that I have so many friends that are behind me 100%. I know that, but I need my mom to support me and my need to get away. I do not want to always live in my hometown. I have to see other places and I am terrified that if I don't do it now, I never will. My mom actually told me that she didn't think that I was mature to go away to college. Where did that come from? She would be the only person with that thought.
My mom means the world to me and if something happened to her, I know that I would die. Her opinion means everything and I need her support and she is not willing to give that to me. What's a girl to do? I pray and that's about all that I am able to do at this point. I have tried to talk to her, but she won't have it.
She also wants me to move on from a certain situation in my life and to trust her and my dad. That is the hardest thing that she has ever asked me to do and I am just not ready to. I need some time, but again, she is not real willing to give it to me. I wish that God would just appear to me in a dream or speak to me in a loud, booming voice and tell me what His plan for my life is. I know that doesn't happen, but it would be so nice.
I never seem to have anything positive to write. I am a happy person, for the most part. I swear.
I did color my hair last night. It is not real drastic, just a deeper shade of red than my natural color. It looks really good. I love it!
That's all for now, more later.

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