Monday, September 28, 2009

On not being perfect.

I am not perfect. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I struggle with sin on a daily basis. I struggle with big sin. I struggle with discontentment, even though I have the world's coolest job, a fabulous school schedule, a family who is awesome, incredible friends, and all the other niceities. I struggle with lust, lack of temperance or moderation, doubt, and selfishness. I complain, whine, and speak without thinking. I struggle with consistency in the word and time in prayer.

So, again, I am not perfect. I find it hard to say which one I am struggling with the most right now, but the one I am feeling the most (which I am sure can be contributed to the lack of consistency in the word and in prayer) is discontentment. Not discontentment with being in Columbus or my job or my general situation. Mostly it is with my lack of a significant other. This might sound like the most ridiculous thing ever, but it is oh so very true. I find that it doesn't so much help when three of your friends get in engaged in the span of two weeks, all of your past serious relationships (with the exception of one) are all in committed relationships (if not already married), and seven couples in your small group are preggers. Not that I want a kid right now and not that I want to get married right now, but I want/desire someone to talk to and go to dinner with and be a couple with. It sounds so silly when I start writing it out. But, I know that God has placed these desires in me for a reason. They are good in moderation and in perspective of God's sovereignty, but out of context and dealt with the way that I have been dealing with it, it is not healthy and sinful.

After a minor meltdown and some tears this afternoon, my mom reminded me of one of my absolute favorite passages in the bible and I want to share them.

Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. -Psalm 37:3-5
I love every part of that passage, but my favorites are "dwelling in the land and cultivating faithfulness" AND "Trust also in Him and HE WILL DO IT." I l-o-v-e that! Trust in Him and He will do it. Do what? Make my righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of my cause like the noonday sun. He will use me to glorify Himself.
The next part of the passage says to "be still and wait patiently on Him" and to "not fret when men succeed in their ways." So difficult, but with His help, we (I) am able to succeed in both. He is so faithful!
I am all about short term goals, so this week I am committing all my to Him. I am committing this week to the idea of dwelling in the land and cultivating faithfulness. This week I will trust in Him, knowing that He will DO IT. I will find moments to be still and wait and know that He is God. I will commit this week to Him, knowing that His plan for me is great, that His love endures forever, and that He loves me beyond anything that I can begin to comprehend. I am His and He is mine. What joy belongs to me!

1 comment:

beck'sthree said...

This is a great post and such a good reminder for all of us. Love you!