After a while

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
-Veronica A. Shoffstall

Brilliance

This weekend I am planning on going to the hardware store and picking out some paint and wood to take out to my parents house and decorate for my apartment. If you've seen my lovely three bedroom apartment, you know that the walls are a lovely beige with some cream tones. So cheerful and light, no? Well, being the brilliant girl that I am, I decided to take wood, paint it in bright, cheerful colors, take some white paint and write words like "Faith", "Love", "Joy", etc. I know, I'm brilliant.

I'm also thinking that making this a Father-Daughter project is perfect for Fathers day. I know...brilliance.

So, what's the plan?

This is probably a bad time to write a post. Mostly because it has been one of those days. I think you know what I mean when I say that. We all have those days when it just seems like the day couldn't get much worse. And I had one of those days.

As much as I believe that there is a plan for me and my life, I still struggle with doubt and fear. I was talking to my mom earlier about contentment. My definition of contentment is accepting the situation, doing what you have to do to make it work, and not complaining about it. When I think of discontentment, I think of being depressed, complaining all the time, and being generally unhappy. I don't consider myself discontent in that way. Yes, there are things that I would like to change about my situation, but I don't dwell on them. I am generally a happy person, in my opinion. My mom really wants me to see the lessons in my situation and I am looking. I try and take each situation and look at the good that came out of it. Let's look at what I have found.

1. Leaving LaGrange College. Leaving LC was difficult and, in the beginning, I did not handle it well. I was depressed for several weeks and although I didn't blame anyone for the fact that I was home, I was bitter. However, I can see now that had I not come home I would not have become involved with Young Life, I wouldn't be living with the greatest roommate ever, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to have the greatest job ever, and I might not have found the incredible group of people that I hang out with on a regular basis. Faith is definitely the lesson here. Not knowing why God thought it was a good idea to empty my savings account and then only be at LaGrange for a semester and a JanTerm, lose a semester, have a really crappy first job, and go to CSU most certainly tried my faith and I failed miserably in that department. It wasn't until 10 months later that I was able to fully appreciate and say in all honesty that I was grateful for where God had put me.
2. Ken Henson retiring. After a year of working for Ken, he decided to stop practicing law and let me and his paralegal go. It was difficult to leave. I loved my job and the people that I worked with. It was the perfect job and I gained so much experience. I found it fairly easy to find another job with the same pay and more hours. Contentment and patience are the lessons I am learning here.
3. Being at CSU. This was a hard one for me. Even when talking to my mom today, I paused and had to think. Thinking back to the the conversation, I am kind of giggling. There are good things about CSU. I have made some great friends and experienced some fabulous professors. Contentment is probably what I am supposed to learn here. And how to glorify God in every situation.
4. My current job. Not really on my top ten list of best jobs ever. However, it pays the bills and I have made some great contacts. I go in, do my job, and go home. Endurance is the lesson here. And Contentment.
5. My car. Definitely one part of my life that I identify as the bane of my existence. This car breaks down at least once a week. BUT, it does get me from point A to point B when it decides to run. When it does decide not to crank, I tell myself that there is a reason that God wants me to be late to wherever it is I am going. So, I am working on my faith and there is the good in that situation.
6. Relationships. I am not going to go into detail here, but God has most certainly been teaching me lessons. He has been teaching me to lean on Him fully, to have faith in His plan and not my own, to let go of my timeline and live in His, to give up control, to commit all of my worries, fears, cares, and pain to Him, and to find contentment in His love. God has most certainly taught me about faith and shown me my lack of it and His overabundance of it.

There are a lot of lessons. I see them, I really do. And I think that I am doing an OK job of learning them. My prayer for myself and the one that I request of those who pray for me is that I would grow in love, grace, mercy, contentment, peace, patience, and faith. That His will would become my will. That God would mold me into the woman that He desires me to be and that I would serve Him with joyfulness always.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18- "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

God tells us, in a very obvious manner, what His will for our life is. It's not always easy to be joyful, or thankful, or even to pray, but this is what God calls us to do. This goes back to what I said in the beginning of this post about knowing full well that He is going to take care of me and still struggling with doubt and fear. He does have a plan, His will for me is obvious, and everything He wants for me is ten million times better than what I want for me.

The Quote of the Day

"If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, like Shakespeare wrote poetry, like Beethoven composed music; sweep streets so well that all the host of Heaven and Earth will have to pause and say, Here lived a great sweeper, who swept his job well."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

NEW AND EXCITING!!!!

You no longer have to be registered with google or blogger to comment on the blog. I changed the setting this morning. So comment away. I want to know what you think!!

-t

A Beautiful Mind

Last night, I was having dinner with my friend, Peyton, and we were having a discussion about the office she works in. It's downtown and in a rather old building. My mind conjured up an old southern building with large windows and white columns (don't ask why...). Then, she made the comment that the building was kinda crappy (Sorry, Mom. I know you don't like that word). My mind downgraded the building and I saw a dilapidated room that was dark, musty, and in need of some repairs. However, the picture changed once again when Peyton remarked that it was a neat building and pretty in that the floor she works on has brick walls and exposed beams. My mind went to lofts and a classy downtown building like what you see on TV.

Isn't it funny how the human brain works? That we have the ability to create pictures in our mind? Maybe what is more amazing to me than the ability to create the picture, is the types of pictures we create. The pictures are intricate and full of detail or maybe that's just my pictures. Still, the fact that that is the way my mind works intrigues me and fills me with wonder and awe towards the Creator of such a beautiful mind.

Home Education

I was home educated. From kindergarten through 12th grade my parents made the sacrifice to teach my siblings and I at home. There were parts I hated and there were parts I loved. There were times when I hated being home every day and there are days now when I am sitting at work, in a desk (not so different from school, eh?), and I wish that I could be home reading or writing. I loved being able to travel with my family and take off to Callaway Gardens for the day and have what Mom called "Domestic School Day." I went to prom junior and senior year with friends that went to public school. I was on the yearbook staff. I went to classes with other home educated students where we learned about chemistry, the art of writing a good paper, Spanish, and various other subjects that can be difficult to learn on your own. I will admit that there was a time when I begged my parents to send me to "real school", but in the end and looking back now, I am ever so grateful to my parents for their wisdom and decision to home educate me.

As I watch our government strive to take away the right of parents to educate their child(ren) at home, I wonder how many more rights will they start taking away? The same men and women that we have elected to protect and implement those sacred rights we have as citizens of a free nation, are the same people who seem to want more and more control over our lives.

In an article published by Parade Magazine (http://www.parade.com/articles/editions/2008/edition_06-01-2008/Intelligence_Report), experts speculated that the number of families in the U.S. who are choosing to educate their children at home is increasing 7%-12% a year. That is an incredible number. The article is mainly focused on the case going on in California where home education is in danger of becoming illegal, a move which would place over 166,000 children who are currently being home educated into the public and private school systems of California. The state wants parents who home educate to have teaching certificates. The vast majority of parents teaching their children do not.

There are arguments galore when it comes to home education. My personal favorite is "socialization" and how home educated children are deprived of being able to socialize with children with children of the same age, or how they are unable to learn conflict resolution by staying at home. I don't know about you, but living with ten other people who had ten varying personalities taught me conflict resolution. And there are many ways to give your children social outlets. Another argument is that the education received at home does not prepare you for the college experience.

As a home educated graduate that attends a university in the state of Georgia, I can say that my home education experience, while not perfect, prepared me for the college experience. My dad is a dentist in our hometown and my mom is a stay at home mother who has home educated for the past 15 years. While my father obviously went as far as he could in the academic world, my mother only attended two years of college. Yet, she was the one who stayed at home and taught my siblings and I. I have seven younger brothers and sisters, all of whom are or were home educated. One sister is a full time student the university that I attend and two of my sisters, though still in high school, are a part of the joint enrollment program at the university that allows high school students to attend classes and attain college credit that goes toward their college degree. I am a journalism/photography major, one sister is a Theatre Education major, another was a nursing major and recently switched to pre-engineering. The other sister wants to declare pre-med. We each have GPA's that range from a 3.5 to a 4.0. As you can see, our education was far from lacking and our primary teacher did not have "certification."

The lack of support for home education in our nation is incredible. All you have to do is look at the number of home educated students in our country, then see how they have gotten along in colleges and universities across the nation, and you can see quite clearly that home education is a legitimate educational option. Most of our founding fathers were home educated. Not only were they home educated, but their mothers were the ones who taught them and women were not welcome in the world of academia, yet were the ones trusted with the job of educating the children in the family. These same men, who were by today's standards given a less than adequate education, created the most powerful document in the world. What does that say to you about home education?

Thoughts on the Homeland

Sundays are probably my favorite day of the week. I absolutely adore getting up, going to church, having lunch, and then spending the afternoon at my parents home with my siblings (and Mama and Daddy, of course).

Today, as I sat at the table with the rest of the family, Dad asked what the kids thought about the sermon this morning. Each person put in their two cents about Boyd's sermon. It seemed that it was on love verses knowledge. The need for knowledge, the love of knowledge, how the Psalmist says that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord. This turned the conversation to the love of God, the simplicity of His love, and how our love for Him affects our love for others. I have no idea how, but this progressed to the discussion of race. If you know me well, you have probably heard me talk about how grateful I am for the way that my parents have raised my siblings and I in a way that is oblivious, in a way, to race. For all my joking about being "Mexican" and things being better because of it, I never even thought about the fact that it was a part of my background until a friend made a comment when I was in highschool. It has become a joke amongst my siblings and I, but it is still just a joke. My parents laugh and joke about it as well, but it is not something that they ever initiated. In fact, it took my dad awhile to find it funny at all.

I don't know that I have talked much about my parents, where they are from, and how they were raised. Let's start with Daddy. Born Pablo Manuel Garcia to Jesse and Manuela Garcia in Malakoff, Texas, my dad is not your stereotypical Hispanic. In our conversation today, he admitted that he made a personal choice years ago that he would never strive to be seen differently because of his Hispanic heritage. Growing up with his six brothers in a town where they were the only Spanish speaking family, Dad's family was separated from the Hispanic culture at a young age. He remarked today that he was especially grateful for God's grace in this matter, as the Hispanic culture is full of witchcraft, as well as a sense of entitlement of late. Because of my father's decision to integrate himself into the the culture of which he was a part, it is rare that he ever hears anything related to his heritage unless someone calls his office expecting a Spanish speaking dentist because of his name. He chooses to go by "Paul" rather than "Pablo" and is about as "East Texas" as they come. My dad is about 5'4", but stands with the stature of John Wayne. He is a man to be admired. He is wise, compassionate, funny, incredibly intelligent, and truly a man after God's own heart. I adore my father.

My mother was born Elizabeth Ann Yarbrough to Jerry and Bashie Yarbrough. She is the only girl with three older brothers and one younger. Raised during the sixties (in the south), my mom admits to struggling with prejudices and the stereotypes that go with that time period. Her dad was a fire fighter and she remembers being on family vacation in Florida when the call came asking her dad to come home because there were riots going on in their hometown. For three long days and nights, Mom and her family had no idea if her dad was OK or not. She remembers going to Matthew Elementary School and being in the first group of white kids to ever go there. My mother is superwoman. She has/is homeschooling eight children, helps my dad run his business, and is active in the homeschool group in our community. She is my best friend and I love her dearly.

You are probably wondering what my point is in all of this. Well, the discussion at lunch today got my thoughts racing. I was reminded again of my parents wisdom in their raising of us kids. Words cannot do justice in expressing the appreciation that I feel towards my parents because they have instilled in me a sense of respect and compassion for all people, regardless of color or ethnicity. I am grateful that they exposed me to an environment (the theatre) that, as Mary Lou so elegantly phrased it, was a sort of "Utopia for Equality." It was there, in addition to the teachings of my parents, that I actively embraced the idea of equality of all humans. It was during this time in my life, when I was completely immersed in the world of theatre, that I made a conscious decision to never identify a person according to their race when telling a story or talking about the guy or girl that walked up to me in Wal-mart or whatever the case may be. Instead, I chose to live by the example that my parents set for me. I am, by no means, perfect and there are, of course, prejudices in my heart. However, it is my desire to be open minded and free of prejudices against my fellow man. A lofty goal, I know, but one that is pressing on my heart.

"...When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God..."-Genisis 5:3

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness..." -Declaration of Independence

Sam.

After a bit of thought, I feel the need to preface this post by saying that I think that Samuel Burns Collins is absolutely fantastic. His charm and wit draw you to him along with his sweet nature and akward, but loving, attitude towards others.

I have this friend. His name is Sam. Sam is an interesting character. He is a bit younger than me. He attends Samford in Birmingham, Alabama where he makes incredible grades and had a 4.0 Spring semester. Whatever. My point is that he is brilliant, in a creative way, and he knows it. He has a fanciful imagination and uses words like "fanciful", "endearing", and "little one" in everyday conversation. He also ends his sentences with an upward inflection, making him sound not only pretentious, but a tad bit British as well.

Sam and I like to compare everything and everyone to books that we have read, our favorite being "Pride and Prejudice." Sam likes to talk about theology and try to get me riled up (which works most of the time). We like to cook, read, listen to music, talk about pretty much everything, and go for rides in Isabel (the jeep).

A characteristic to be noted in regards to Sam is his ability to dig himself out of the seemingly bottomless holes in which he gleefully throws himself into on a regular basis. Last night, for instance, we were cleaning the kitchen after my scrumptious meal of authentic Mexican food (made authentic by the fact that a real Mexican made it) and we were having a fairly typical Sam and Theresa conversation. We start talking about one of our favorite people, Allison Ross, and I say that I feel like she and I are fairly similar. Sam says "Sometimes. But she's smarter." Ummm. Excuse me? I give him a blank stare, followed by the infamous (somewhat annoying) shriek that, this time, contained the name "Sam" and of course followed the shriek with a well deserved slap on the arm. Sam begins to stutter and backtrack and started comparing himself to Bob Ross (Allison's husband) and stated that Dr. Ross was smarter than himself. This comment was followed by "But, I'm wittier." He rambled on about book reviews and the fact that he would choose mine over Ms. Allison's because mine "would be wittier and would be churned out in five minutes", but that if asked who understood the book better, he would have to say Allison. Seriously? Really? At this point, I am beginning to wonder why we are even friends, but it got better. As he continued to talk about book smarts and school and who is smarter than who, he adds this little kicker "I mean, come on T, you don't do intelligent." I'm sorry, he said what? Yes. That's right apparently, "T" doesn't "do" intelligent. Upon seeing the look of wonder on my face, he again begins to backtrack saying how creative and "witty" I am. Why he thinks saying "witty" five million times will make it better, I have no idea. He continues to praise my "wittiness" and says that I would be most likely to own a paper or magazine (how this has anything to do with being "witty" is beyond me). At this point, I am laughing uncontrollably at the absolute absurdity of the entire conversation. Sam has acquired a sly grin, knowing full well he is off the hook. I congratulated Sam on the saving of his scrawny behind through roundabout reasoning and looks of helplessness.

The above account is a shining example of my relationship with Sam. I am fully aware that Sam will probably read this and I'm OK with that. I've said everything that I have written to his face. So, here's to Sam and the ridiculousness, the charm, the wittiness, and the sheer hilarity that he embodies. He's a pretty swell guy.

"I sing because I'm happy..."

This hymn is a favorite of mine. It has been dubbed as "traditional", but was actually written by Civilla D. Martin and Charles E. Gabriel in 1905, according to Wikipedia which is, by the way, a horrible place to go to for information. For me, this song embodies the way we, as Christians should go through life. Singing, happy, and joyful, knowing full well that worry should be the furthest thing from our minds because we serve a God whose "eye is on the sparrow." If His eye is on the sparrow, does He not look out for those created in His image?

Why should I feel discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free. For His eye is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me.
"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear. And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears. Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see; His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise. When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies, I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows fall? Why should my heart be troubled, When all but hope is gone? When Jesus is my fortress. My constant friend is He. His eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me. His eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me!

"That Good Kind of Aching"

Yeah. I don't know what that means either. OK...maybe I do know what that is. And you do too. I've had that "good" kind of aching before. Its been awhile though. It happens when you are completely and incandescently happy. Like when you go away from home for the first time. Or when you experience your first kiss. Or like that time he held you in his arms and whispered your full name and followed it with "I love you." And there was that one time that you went on that trip and got some pretty awesome shots of that mountain...maybe that one's just me. Maybe they are all just me. Those are the times when I, Theresa Naomi Garcia, got that "good" kind of aching.

Lately, however, I have been aching in a not so good way. It's been an aching that just plain hurts. Like that time you stubbed your toe on the doorway going into the living room. And that time you poked yourself in the eye. Or that time you cut yourself shaving. And then there was that time when that boy did that thing and was a jerk and you cried. Not such a good kind of aching. Actually, that one is pretty bad. It hurts the worst. More than the toe, the eye, and the razor cut combined. As in, I would rather have all three of those happen at the same time than ever have the latter happen. Ever.

Grandma Jo was right...again. Boys are more trouble than they are worth. Who knew?

The Day's Details

In my last post, I talked about Grandma Jo and her advice on keeping a journal and recording the day's details. I've been thinking a great deal about journal keeping, considering whether to keep it on this blog or write it out in an actual journal. I've come up with two lists containing the pros and cons of online journal keeping verses a hard copy. Allow me to share.



Pros of online Journaling:

1. It's faster.
2. I have easy access.
3. Everyone can read it.
   

Cons:

1. The art of writing is a dying form.
2. Who wants to read it?
   
3. There might be details that I don't want to make public.
   

Ehh. Who knows? I think I'll stick to the daily details being in my hard copy journal. Still Grandma Jo is right. Per usual.

Don't mess with Texas.

I was talking to my sweet grandmother, Joanne, on Mother's Day and we were catching up on life's little details. Grandma Jo is a true Texas woman. She is one smart lady and I value her opinions a great deal. She is almost always positive and chooses to find the silver lining in most circumstances.

We talked about school, work, our family, and boys. We talked about books and politics, manners and today's society. We talked about writing and photography. I want to share some of the words of wisdom that she gave to me.

• Travel. As much as you possibly can, Travel. Jo has been all over our beautiful world has stories galore to share. She can tell you about Italy, France, England and a lot more.
• Read. Read a lot. Read the classics. Read biographies and novels. Read for pleasure and read to learn. Read to be a better writer. (The last one was specific to me.)
• Keep a journal. Write out the day's details. Write out your emotions. Your communication skills will flourish and grow. Not only that, but you will have something to share with your children one day. (Jo also said that when I become famous and die, my biographers will need to be able to write about me. I am so tempted to write a scandalous life story in a few journals and leave it in plain sight when I die. However, now that I have given away my secret, I don't think that will work.)
• Show compassion for others. You don't know their background or what their day was like.
• Have respect. Treat others how you would like to be treated.
• Boys aren't worth half the trouble they cause. (That's probably the best one)
• Love to the fullest. Don't hold back. Life is too short to not tell or show the people you love the most just how much you care.
• Be smart. Being nice doesn't mean letting yourself be walked on. Use the brains God gave you and take care of yourself.
• Live simply. There is more to life than nice clothes, cars, money, and a fancy house. Use the money for lesson number one. :)

Again, one heck of a lady. I hope I am half the woman she is.

It is well with my soul.

From time to time, we all have moments when we stop to evaluate the world around us. We start sorting and organizing. It's like a good cleaning right before the start of a new season. We weed out the bad, water the good, cut out the old, and cultivate the new and growing. We scrub the floors to make clear the beauty of our foundations. We wipe the windows so that we can better see the world we live in and others can better see who we are. We dust off the furniture that represents the fixtures in our lives so that we can rid ourselves of the marks that are unpleasant and displeasing to the eye. We work hard all day and into the night. We strip the beds and wash the sheets. We light candles and prepare a light dinner. After dinner, we take a cool bath and relax our weary bodies. We then fall into a clean, freshly made bed and close our heavy lids. We have accomplished what we set out to do. We have evaluated all aspects. The emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects that make us who we are. The joys and sorrows, the ups and downs, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. There is a sweetness in the air that comes with the new, clean feeling.

It is in these moments that we are able embrace the stillness that these moments create for us and whisper "It is well with my soul."

These are a few of my favorite things...

I absolutely love quotes and I love to share them. These are some of my favorites.

• "A girl needs to express herself, and I could certainly use a release...I want to dance." ~Audrey Hepburn

There is something about Audrey Hepburn and her innate sense of style and glamour that makes me smile. This particular quote is from "Funny Face" in which she starred opposite of Fred Astaire.

• "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."~Eleanor Roosevelt

One of my favorite ladies of all time. Eleanor Roosevelt was strong-minded and independent. She believed in dreams and a future in a time when dreams were all we had and the future was all but bright.

• "A woman who is convinced that she deserves to accept only the best challenges herself to give the best. Then she is living phenomenally."~Maya Angelou

This quote is encouraging to me. It tells me that it is just fine to accept only the best because it causes me to give the best to others. And I believe that the people in my life deserve the best. Why not do all that I can to make sure that they get just that.

• "Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does, the better."~Andre Gide

This quote reminds me that any gifts that I have came from above and I had nothing to do with it. It reminds me to remain grateful in all I do.

• "I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."~Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)

Yet another courageous, strong woman. I admire Martha Washington because of her loyalty to her family and her country. I admire her positive outlook on life and her service to others. Her wisdom shines though this particular quote.

• "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."~Dr. Seuss

Yet another reminder "To thine own self be true..." Not only does this serve as a reminder to myself about me, but also as a reminder to myself about others. We are all unique and beautiful. If someone really matters to me, then I should be willing to accept them for who they are.

• “I think the job of the artist is to remind people of what they have chosen to forget.” -~Arthur Miller

I love this because it reminds me of the real reason of why I do what I do in the theatre world.

• While I dance I cannot judge, I cannot hate, I cannot separate myself from life. I can only be joyful and whole. That is why I dance. ~Hans Bos

Just another quote about dancing. This embodies, for me, why I dance, whether it be ballroom or for a show or in my bedroom. I do it because it fills me with JOY.

• "May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and everyone of us."~Mother Teresa's prayer

Not so much a quote as it is a prayer, but I love this. It speaks for itself.

• And I smiled to think God's greatness flowed round our incompleteness ...~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Elizabeth said it all when she said this. No matter where we are in our journey, God's greatness never changes and is there in spite of us. In the words of Paul Pierce "Jesus is like air freshener. He's going to be there anyway."

• Grace finds beauty in everything. ~U2

This speaks for itself.

• "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord."~Psalms 45:11

A constant reminder that God thinks I am beautiful and precious. Hmmm. Bliss.

• "... as much as necessary and as little as possible." - Paul Pierce
• "As my grandmother said....'it's just not done'" - Paul Pierce (I could have an entire section devoted just to him)
• "Don't ever interrupt my mugging for acting." - Paul Pierce. "We don't want acting. We just want the lines." - Jens Rasmussen
• "I'll try to keep it real." - Paul Pierce"The Springer Opera House......keeping it real since 1871." - Kim Hickman

These are because I love my friends and they make me laugh.

"Do you ever have those days where you wake up and you just feel alone?"

The question that prompted this post was posed to me last night by one of my Young Life girls at our weekly bible study. I didn't really have to think about my answer before I responded, but I took a moment to formulate my thoughts. "Yes!" I replied. "I feel this way more than I would like to admit."

As part of my study with the girls last night, we talked about the relationship between Ruth and Naomi. Ruth refused to leave Naomi, no matter what the cost or pain or suffering. She supported them both by doing basic slave labor. She stayed true to her mother-in-law and was adamant that she remain by her side. There was a bond there. This bond was created because of immense sorrow at the loss of people that they loved dearly. In the end, Ruth's devotion to Naomi brought her a romance beyond compare and pulled her into the lineage of Jesus Christ. How awesome is that? The relationship between Ruth and Naomi provides us with an incredible glimpse at the bond that Christ desires to have with us. As sinners, we have experienced incredible loss. God sent His son for us to have a relationship with. To give us someone with whom we could bond and share our joys and sorrows with. Someone with whom we can experience a romance beyond compare. He sent His son to give of Himself in a way that only true friendship and love could. In the end, the reward for our faithfulness to our friendship with Him brings us into the family of Christ and we are able to experience all the benefits of being sons and daughters of the King!

In our discussion time, we talked about friendships and the bonds that we have with various people in our lives. We all contended that we had friendships that never seem to fail us. That no matter the time apart, we were able to pick up where we left off. We discussed the reasons behind these friendships. Most of them were created because of some type of similarity in our lives where we were experiencing the same type of situation. These relationships and bonds are precious to us because we feel a connection. There is a sense of safety in common ground. We crave the companionship of someone who can share in our emotions and feelings, whether good or bad.

While I thought about my own feelings and began to sort out the mess and confusion, I found that there has been a lack of companionship that embodies common ground. Now, please do not take this to mean that there has been a lack of companionship in general. Quite the contrary! I have been surrounded by loving, compassionate friends who have been there for me when I needed them most. Their love and encouragement has prodded me to happiness and joy because they exude happiness, joy, and contentment in their own individual situations. They prayed with me and for me and pushed me towards my Heavenly Father. On those dark mornings when I wanted to pull the covers back over my head and fall back into a dreamless sleep, I reached out to my Rock and Redeemer. On those mornings when I thought "It will be by the grace of God that I get through today...", He never once failed me. He always saw me through. I learned that I didn't necessarily need an earthly companion that had been through the exact same thing that I had been through. What I needed was a Savior who had suffered enormous pain and grief and died on the cross for me. What I needed was His all consuming love, grace, and mercy. And he gave of all three, willingly and to the fullest.

As our time together came to an end, I began to encourage the girls to cultivate their friendships with each other, but more importantly to cultivate their relationship with Jesus. In the moments when we need Him most, when others fail us, He is there. He will never leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)

" I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, Nor the moon by night. The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever." -Psalm 121

The Motto of the Day

I've spent the past few days going back over my blog, reading some old posts, and thinking about the "Who, What, When, Where, and How"'s of the past four years. That's a long time, folks. For those who know me, I like to say "My motto is..." a lot. I've come to realize that I have a variety of motto's and it would probably be more appropriate to say "The Motto of the Day is..." Today, I have decided that the Motto of the Day (MOTD) is "No regrets, only lessons learned." I have learned a great many lessons over the past few years. That's supposed to happen though. It's a part of growing up. Scratch that. It IS growing up. The lessons are what make us who we are.

Another little tidbit that those who know me are fully aware of, is my love of lists. So, with no further ado, here is an infamous list.

Lessons learned (with full gratefulness)**:

1. Not going to Covenant College was the right desicion. LaGrange was the place for me and I am so glad I was there.
2. Not dating in High school was a blessing in disguise. There is no way that I was truly ready to deal with the pressures of dating and relationships.
3. Mom and Dad are right...for the most part. I'm not ready to say that they are always right, because everyone is wrong sometimes, but I am convinced that they have known better than me on many an occasion.
4. Siblings are a gift from God. My mother used to say that I had only child syndrome. I wanted to be the only child so badly, but looking back, who would have played "Little Women" and "Little House on the Prairie" with me if I hadn't had my sweet sisters?
5. Plumber Boy was not who I thought he was. Ah, what can be documented as the romance of 2005. I'm ok with that lesson and I can say that honestly.
6. Sometimes you have to lose someone or something to fully realize how much they meant to you or how much you needed to lose them.
7. Accepting that it was in your best interest to lose them is a hard lesson, but one that needed to be learned.
8. You can burn water.
9. It's ok for plans to not work out. It's better to go with the flow anyway.
10. God's plan is always better than yours. Period.

**Author reserves the right to keep secrets. Although, I must add that I admitted wrong on the plumbing situation a long time ago.

"Can you make yourself love? Can you make yourself be loved?" ~Ann Brashares

Interesting question, yes? In my opinion, love just happens. You just love the child that you bring into the world. You just love your parents. You just love your siblings. You just love your best friend. You just love your partner. Even if something happens between you and any one of the above, you still love one another. It is also my humble opinion that love never really goes away. It may change according to the varying seasons of life. It may wane for a time, but true love never goes away.

I know from personal experience that you cannot make someone love you. Nor do you want to have to make them love you. It is far better to have a natural love than a forced one. Yet, as humans, we sometimes yearn for that one person to love us more or better than anyone else. The one person who cannot (or just will not) love us like we want them to. There can be a myriad of reasons, none of which we want to listen to or accept. Still the reasons are there, staring us down. Daring us to argue. And being the fallen creatures that we are, we argue. We argue until we are blue in the face. We cry until we have no more tears. We feel the hurt and pain until we can feel no more. And even then, there are those of us who cannot give up. Who must argue on. And argue we do. This can go on for days, weeks, months, years. It goes on until we accept the fact that the love is not there and never will be. And still the feelings linger. We still love. We still feel the, arguably less intense, pain of loss and emptiness.

Sounds dramatic, yes? Yet you are having a hard time denying that you have felt this, no? It might have been when you were in the 3rd grade and that cute little boy or girl in your class just didn't pay attention to you. Or it might have been as a teenager when you ached for the love of a parent, a person of the opposite sex, or of someone you admired greatly. Or maybe you feel those feelings now, as an adult. What do you do? Is it old enough that you have moved on or is it fresh and new? Does it only come to mind now and again when you are inadvertently reminded of it? Do you try and push it out of your mind? Do you ignore these feelings by occupying your mind elsewhere? Do you cling to something familiar and sweet?

I, personally, cling to my faith. I reach out to my Savior, the One who knows me better than I know myself. He tells me "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness..." (2 Cor. 12:9) I repeat His promise over and over to myself. He gives me His grace and that is all I need. My feelings of weakness allow Him to bring me closer to Him. He fills me with His love and reassures me that this is enough. He loves me with a love greater than I have ever known. His love is the greatest example of love ever given to mankind. I love because He first loved me. (1 John 4:19) He tells me that there is nothing that I can do to make Him love me and yet He does. This is the "just because love." And it is the best kind.

Young Life

The other morning I received a pretty regular email from Young Life. It was reminding us that we have a concert coming up on the 8th of June. This concert is featuring Allen Levi and Bebo Norman and all the proceeds will go towards a new building on Sharptop Cove. The building will be in memory of Carter Butts, a Young Life kid/leader who was killed in a car accident last year. James Rockwell, our Area Director, wrote a column of sorts about Carter and his Young Life leader, Lumpy. James talked about the Journey that we endeavor when we set out to minister to our high school friends. He shared something another Leader shared with him: "Treat every kid we meet as if we are going to know them the rest of our lives."

For those of you who don't know what Young Life is, it is a group of adults who go into the high schools of any given area and share the gospel with teenagers. We build relationships with these kids and invite them to come to "Club", which is where we sing, play games, share the person of Chirst, and share our stories. You know you have them hooked when they come to "Campaingers" which is our small group bible study. It's at Campaingners that we dig further into the Word and answer the questions that our highschool friends have.


However, Young Life goes beyond Club and Campaigners. It goes beyond baseball games, prom, lunch at the school, and graduation. We have the ability and the opportunity to be at these events because of the relationships that we share with our high school friends. These relationships happen because of God, first and foremost. Because of Him, we (the Leaders) get those 2am phone calls, have our houses rolled and our cars written on. More importantly, we get the opportunity to love on these kids and to make an impact on their lives. Young Life goes beyond graduation. We get to be at weddings and baby showers. We get to be there for life's small accomplishments and the big ones too. Not only do we give these kids their own personal cheerleaders, we gain lifelong friendships and cheerleaders of our own. I love my high school friends and I can't wait for them to be college friends, married friends, mom friends, and old lady friends.

Summer lovin'

Ahh. The sun is bright, the weather is warm, school is almost out, and I can smell the chlorine in the air. Summer is here and I am ready to be sunkissed and enjoy the Georgia sunshine to the fullest.
After finding out this morning that I have passed my math class, I can breath a bit easier. Work is not too stressful, friends will be home for the summer within a few weeks, and my birthday is tomorrow.
So much has changed in a year. This time last year, my life was completely different, but I am grateful for the lessons I have learned and the changes that have occurred. I am stronger, more mature, better equipped to handle whatever life throws my way, but more about that tomorrow.

The Garden

**I am stealing this from Katy B.'s blog. It was written by Lauren Griner's grandmother.**



For the garden of your daily living...

Come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses....

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
Peace of mind
Peace of heart
Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
Squash gossip
Squash indifference
Squash grumbling
Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
Lettuce be faithful
Lettuce be kind
Lettuce be patient
Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN IS WITHOUT TURNIPS:
Turnip for meetings
Turnip for service
Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:
Thyme for each other
Thyme for family
Thyme for friends

Water freely with patience and cultivate with love. There is much fruit in your garden because you reap what you sow.

And I smiled to think God's greatness flowed round our incompleteness ... -Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Incompleteness. That is the perfect description for my life at the moment. There is a definite sense of wonder and a need to question in me at the moment. After a minor meltdown last night and a nice bout of crying, mixed with sleep and lunch with Mom, the questions and the wonder are still there, but the severity has been lessened. I, by no means, have a full plan or even a half of one. I do, however, have a sense of direction now and that has put my heart at ease. I thrive off of plans, direction, and goals. Lack of any of the before mentioned makes me ancey and a tad nervous. I don't want to talk about my "directions" yet, but when I am more certain, I will share. For now, let it suffice to say that I am thinking, researching, and planning for the summer and fall months.

Change.

So, the past few months have been an adventure for me. I have experienced a lot of change and I have grown so much. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents and siblings, I have the most amazing friends that a girl could ask for, my job is wonderful, school isn't half bad, and I have developed the most intimate relationship I have ever had in Christ.

I have learned a lot of truly valuable lessons lately. I learned that although patience is not a virtue that I am particularly good at, I have gained a lot of it. Girlfriends are a must. Seriously, I don't think that girls realize how important this is. I have learned that family and friends are worth more than any material goods.

I have learned how valuable ME time is. I have always hated the quiet (can you blame me? With ten people around you all the time, quiet is out of place and uncomfortable), but lately I have learned to embrace the moments of stillness. When the world seems to slow down for a minute and you can feel the soft stillness wash over you and a certain peace fills the air, those are the moments when I want to stop and whisper "It is well with my soul." Those moments are few and far between for me in my busy, busy life, but I have learned to create those moments because I find myself craving them out of pure desire and appreciation.

I have learned to be spontaneous. I am a planner to a fault and it irritates everyone around me, including me. I have learned to go with the flow and enjoy the ride. I was missing out on so much before now, all because I had to stick to a plan. I do so much more now because of my willingness to let go and just ride.

I have learned to accept others where they are. I feel like I have always been pretty open to others and their ideas. I really do have a high tolerance level, but at the same time, I set high standards and expectations for myself and that has carried over to being the bar for everyone that I meet. I have learned to put my best foot forward and know in my heart that I have done my personal best, while at the same time, realizing we all have different "personal bests" and accepting everyone at their own level.

I have learned how to slow down. This is a big one for me. By slowing down, I am not talking about the amount of things that I do, but rather slowing down when it comes to life in general. I was trying to rush though life to get to a place where I thought I would be happier. However, I learned that there isn't a point where I am necessarily going to be happier than I am right now. Why not embrace today, learn the lessons that there are there to learn right now, and look towards the future as something that is going to be great, but I can patiently wait for?

The most beautiful and overwhelming lesson that I have learned is to rely fully and completely on and in my Heavenly Father. My life is less stressful, more peaceful, and much richer because of the peace that I have found in Him. I have found my worth and beauty in Him. I have found a peace that passes all understanding. I have found a love like no other and a sense of joy that comes only from Christ.

These are just a few of my many lessons. I feel like I am brimming over right now and I needed to share.

A note.

It seems a little cheesy and cliche to be writing this. Everyone is doing it these days, but it seems that God must be working in a lot of people's lives and everyone wants to share. I think it is amazing to read about all the joy that God is putting in our lives and to hear how He is breaking us down, piece by piece, and showing Himself to us in a new and amazing light.

God has really been working in me these past few months. Since I came home from LaGrange College in January, I have found it hard to believe that He really does have a plan for me. I have been stubbornly refusing to seek His will for my life. For almost 10 months, I have ignored sermons in church, I have quit reading my bible, and I quit living for Him. I can't tell you how many times my sisters or Ben or my parents asked me what I thought about the sermon and I had no response because I had no idea, having ignored the whole thing.

However, God really began breaking me down about two months ago. I became horribly aware of my wretched attitude, my sins, and the lack of true joy in my life. I began to realize that my whole life, I have been living my parents faith. I have been one of those "fake Christians" that the bible warns us about. I started reading my bible and praying. I began to pray that God would fill me with a desire for Him. That He would fill me with his love, grace, strength, and mercy. I know that these revelations and realizations are from God and that this was the beginning of His work in me.

About three weeks ago, I was convicted throughout Sunday School and Church of Christ's faithfulness to me. I was convicted of my sin and unrighteousness before God. It wasn't that I was doing things that I shouldn't be doing, it was that I was not doing the things that I should. In those 10 long months, God remained faithful to me and taught me some incredible lessons. I prayed that God would take me back into His fold, guide and direct me, and place in me a strong yearning and desire for Him.

The next week, a very dear friend from Colorado came down and spent time with our family. He and my dad have been friends for years. He told us amazing stories about the people that he ministers to from his home ministry that he and wife have. Don and Susan have people come into their home and share the Gospel of First John with them. They are an incredible couple with an amazing family. As I listened to Don talk about his life and his ministry, I was overwhelmed by his absolute joy and love for God. Later, I asked him what it was that made his faith so strong. He replied to me that it was the mere simplicity of it all. God is faithful. He sent His only Son to die on the cross for us that we might have eternal life. He loves us and wants the best for our lives. The pureness of His love and the simplicity of His will for us, which is to Glorify Him all the days of our lives, is amazing and wonderful. When it finally dawned on me how simple it all is and how freeing it is to truly cast all "your cares upon Him for He cares for you"...that is when I finally realized just how much I have been missing out on. I have nothing to fear or worry about because God is in control, of all things, at all times. How liberating!

God sure has thrown some curve balls my way over the past year. But He has promised to never give me more than I can handle and I trust him to keep His word. I am finally free! What an awesome God I serve!

I will never fail you. I will never forsake you. Heb 13:5

Ain't life good?

Well, I have been VERY busy these past few weeks. School is back in full swing and I am up to my eyebrows in homework.

I moved into a new apartment this past weekend and I am loving it! My room is kinda small, but really cute. Ben doesn't know it, but when he is home Sunday and Monday, we are going to hang pictures. :-)

School is a little tougher than I thought is was going to be. Math is killing me...again. The professor is much much much much better than before(he went to tech), but I am still struggling. French is harder than I anticipated, but I am enjoying the class and the homework.

Overall, life is pretty good.

Class.

So, Classes started yesterday and I really enjoyed all four. I think that my professors are going to be great and I think that it is going to be a good semester.

I went to Ballroom dance class last night. I do it every Thursday night and it is so much fun. It is a good little work out to swing dance with all the little old men. I just love it!

Work is a little slow today, but I am going to dinner and a movie with my friends, Cameron and Heather Tommey(brother and sister) tonight and I know that is going to be fun. And then my American Idol Audition tomorrow with a possibility of babysitting tomorrow afternoon and then Ben is home for Saturday night and all day Sunday. Fun times!

I am really bored right now. I have errands to run when Melissa gets back from lunch, but until then, it's just me and the old blog and facebook. :-)

Busy-ness.

The past few weeks have been insanely busy! And the past few days have been worse. I have been sick since Saturday and it is driving me insane.

Classes start tomorrow! I am so excited!

Also, in the world of music, I am auditioning to audition for American Idol on Saturday. My sister, Caroline, is going to go with me. There is an audition at our local mall on Saturday from 10-4 and we are going to go and sing. It should be fun. the first 145 in line get to audition for a chance to go to Philadelphia to audition for the real idol judges. Whoever wins that gets to go to Philly and is guaranteed a spot to audition there. Kinda cheesy, I know, but so much fun. :-)

I think that is all that is going on. I have been swamped at work. Ben will be home this weekend for a bit and I am excited about that. Our friend, Scott, is preaching here in town from St. Louis this Sunday and we are going to go and hear him.

That's all for now...

Giving back.

I have been thinking the last few weeks about how to give back. By giving back, I mean finding something to do that fills others and me at the same time. Something that means something. I know it all sounds so vague. I think Ben is rubbing off on me. :-)

I thought about Teen Advisors, but I am convinced that those kids would need all of me, not some of me. When the school year start and I get crazy busy with all of my school work and work, I want them to still be able to have ll of me and I am afraid that wouldn't be possible. The same with Young Life. I am just afraid of not being able to give my all and make it the best that it could be.

As much as I love my job, there is just not that sense of satisfaction at the end of the day. At the end of the day, what have I truly accomplished? A soccer roster? I made a few phone calls. Played on Facebook. Wrote a new blog. Yeah. Not very filling. I am thinking about starting a bible study on Monday nights for girls and just having that time to get away. Mama Lou said that we could meet at her house. I would want it to be late enough that we still had our Monday night dinners together. That time is important to me. I think that once school starts back up, I will see how much time I have left over and will be better able to see how thin I can realistically stretch myself.

I also want to be free to spend time with Ben. I am scared to get too involved in anything for fear that it might cut into the little bit of time that we have together. Saying goodbye is getting harder and harder. I feel like such a wimp crying when he leaves, but it is just so hard. I guess, soon enough we won't have that problem. :-)

The Weekend.

interesting weekend. i have a lot going on in my life with my two families. ben's family and mine are both going through a lot right now. however, it was nice to have the weekend to reconnect and be with one another.

ben and i went to a wedding reception for my friend macie murphy robison and her new husband, dan. she was a beautiful bride and couldn't have looked happier.

ben's mom had a little party at her house, which meant great food on saturday. friday was just long and i am not even going to go there, but dinner was good that night at deorios.
today was long, but good. we went to church this morning in lagrange and then came home and had lunch. ben left this afternoon to go back to atlanta. the more we do this goodbye thing, the harder it gets. i cannot wait for the day when we are together all the time. it is just becoming more and more stressful on the both of us.

after ben left, i snuggle up in my bed and watched 'invasion of the body snatchers." good quality movie right there. then my mom came and asked me if i wanted to go and hear my uncle preach at his new church, so i got up and we drove into town only to find that there is no evening church during the summer there and so mom said that we should just drive around and pick a random church to go to and so we did and ended up at rosehill church of christ. then we went to mcallisters for dinner. it was nice to just sit and talk abut nothing. since i am never home, i hardly get to just chat with mom and so i think that we both enjoyed just being together.

this week, melissa (the girl that i work with) and i are going to re-do the office while ken (my boss) is away. so there is lots of painting in my future...

Soldier Ministry....

Good times tonight at St. Luke! We had soldier ministry and it was fabulous. I was close to tears several times.
This weekend seemed to last for forever. Ben wasn't home this weekend because of summer finals at Tech and it always seems longer when he isn't here. I do get to see him tomorrow! Yea!!!
I have two weeks off from school and I am thrilled! No class, just the occasional brunch and work everyday at noon. I am looking forward to sleeping in lots and maybe doing a bit of reading.

Updates...

Wow. Going back and re-reading old blogs brings back a lot of memories, good and bad.

Life right now is very interesting. I am back in my hometown working for an attorney and going to our local university. I have changed my major twice. I started out in Music and Theatre, then went to English, and have since moved on to Political Science.

I am living at home and it's definitely not all that bad. I get to see Ben most weekends. My week is always full with work and school and the gym. There have been a great deal of changes in my life and they have been good and bad, but they have all happened for a reason.

Life update...

I am working two jobs and I think that i might die before I get to college. I am going crazy and not getting enough sleep and probably not eatting the way that I should.

Friends are good, family is good, college preperations are good, time is non-exsistent. I miss my life.

Other than that, I have nothing to add. I just want everyone to know that I am alive and well. Really.

Graduation Gift

My Parents gave me a LAPTOP!!!!! I am so excited! It has internet and all this really neat stuff. I was kinda worried about not having a computer of my own at school, but this is amazing!!! I didn't expect this at all.

I keep saying the same thing over and over. I am so excited!!!!!

I have the sweetest, most wonderfulest parents in the whole world!!

Graduation...

Hmmm..It's over! Praise the Lord! It was beautiful and I did savor the moments, but it was a long weekend.

I got up early and started to get stuff together. I was at the church by 12:30pm and got my table ready. I was a little freaked out when it was 1:30 and my speakers were not there yet...Yeah, that was a little scary.

Jack Rodgers and Scott Barber spoke and the were both AMAZING!! Caroline surprised me and sang me a beautiful song called "MY WISH". It was amazing and I cried my eyes out.

Afterwards, there were a million and twelve pictures to take. Then I left with Anna and Ben and we dropped Anna off and went and ran some errands for Mama Lou. There was a nice party for Anna. I got to meet the vast a majority of the Beck/Wingfield family and that was very interesting. They are all so funny. I really loved Mama Lou's sister, Vera. Too Cute!

All in all, it was a great weekend. I love my family and I love my friends!

College...Here I come!!

It's TOMORROW!!!!

I graduate from highschool tomorrow! I have so much to do before then. There are gifts to finish and food to prepare for the reception and letters to write and so much more.

I am excited about my graduation, but I think that I am more excited about it being over and being able to focus on Annabeck for the rest of the day. I am trying to savor these moments. I know it only happens once and I know that it will be over in a New York minute.

I don't even really have time to be writing this. I don't know what I am thinking. I have a rehearsal with my piano teacher for tomorrow. I am singing the National Anthem. I have a hair appointment this afternoon. I need to finish up the slideshow by burning it on to CD's.

More later....

Graduation Countdown...

Graduation is only 5 days away...I can't believe it. I have so much to do and there don't seem to be enough hours in the day.

Today was not the greatest day in the whole world, but I did find my graduation dress(which is one more thing that I can cross off my list). I love it. It is not what I was looking for, but it is perfect and very me. I'll post pics later.

I start a new job next week. I am going to be working a bbq place and I am kinda excited about it. It's going to be a killer summer, but things are going to work out just fine. They always do. :-)

I am starting to get sleepy and I have a big day tomorrow...So I am signing off for the night. But there will be lots to share this week, I am sure.

Party!!

My birthday dinner was tonight. Annabeck, Ben Beck, and Rachel Sussenbach came over and we had steak. Yummy. Then there cookie cake and banana split ice cream(my favorite). There were gifts and a rousing game of PIG, because Anna has two tests tomorrow and didn't have time for HORSE. :-)

We all had a good time, I do believe. I go the new Josh Groban CD and a Jack Johnson CD. Really excited about both of those.

Good day, good night. I am really happy. Enough said. :-)

I am so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open...

Today has been a CRAZY day. We went to church this morning. Ben Beck came too. That was nice. We all went and ate lunch and drove back to Columbus for our piano recital. That was my last piano recital and I was so proud of myself for keeping it together. :-)

We had Awana this afternoon. It was the last night. YEA!!! We get the summer off. Of course, I won't be there in the fall anyway, because of school.

Good day...long day. I need sleep. It's been a long week, with late nights and early mornings.

Life is good...

I cannot believe how great things are right now. I am just enjoying life and all that it has to offer.

Tonight I went to Brookstone's girl's soccer game...They lost. But a good time was had by all.

Lucy and I then went to get ice cream. And then I went to Anna's house for awhile. We played Frisbee in the hardaway field across the street. We are so sporty!!!

I got a new razor phone today. I love it. It make me very happy...In a non-materialistic way, of course.

All in all, I feel good about the way things are in my life. I am excited about the future, while savoring the present. Good way to live, I think. Obviously, that's why I am living that way.

God has been so good to me. I am blessed to have what I have. Relationships, clothes, food, a car to drive, life in general. I don't deserve all the goodness that exists in my life and yet, it's there. I sure do lover that God of mine! :-)

Voice recital

Last night was great! I felt so good about my performance. I sang THAT WILL SHOW HIM from A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM and JIMMY from THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE. I had fun songs this year and I was able to play with them.

I had an emotional breakdown yesterday afternoon about this being my last voice recital. It was crazy. I cried and cried. Then I cried at the recital. I know the same thing will happen on Sunday at my piano recital.

I know that the next chapter of my life is going to be very exciting and I am ready for it, but knowing that this chapter is going to end in 18 days is a little much.

They say that tears cleanse the soul...I am going to have one, very clean soul.

I'm Legal!!!

So...Today is my 18th birthday. My first decision as an 18 year old citizen of the good 'ole US of A, was to eat breakfast...How liberating...

Prom was last night and that was fun. Zach was a great date and doing the group thing with lots of friends was the best idea ever. We danced all night. Dinner was amazing and all in all, the night was a success.

Today has been a good day. I got a million and 12 phone calls. My mom and Dad gave me a gift to open today(more to come at my party), and Annabeck gave me her gift. I have to say, Beck gifts are the best. Random and funny, with lots of thought put into it.

Zach, Carson, and Kelsey painted the rock for me...At 3am. Very funny and sweet!

Voice recital tomorrow night. Kinda exciting and yet, bittersweet. It's my last highschool voice recital and my last with Kimberly Cone. I know I'm going to cry...

Friday night with the Braves...

Watching the Braves game right now. We're losing. It's because I am not at the game. However, Ben is there. Hopefully, the power of the beard will help the Braves out tonight. 3rd inning, 1-0, Mets. Stupid Mets...

Tomorrow is prom. I have a voice recital rehearsal at 9:20. Then lunch with Annabeck at noon. Make up at 1pm, hair at 2:30pm, and Zach is picking me up at 5pm. I think it will be a good day. I like being pampered. :-)

Sunday is my birthday. 18 years old....My oh my, I am getting to be sooooooo old. We are having fellowship meal after church. We will have cake and ice cream and presents at that.

I will have a party later. No big plans, but I like laid-back, low-key stuff anyway. Dinner, a few friends. Nothing big. I think that Zach is painting the rock for me...

Ahh, the braves are still losing. Things had better change up here pretty soon.

End of the School year stuff...

It's that time of the year. Only this year begins a new chapter and I am really getting somewhat stressed.

I am putting together a slideshow for graduation and planning this graduation, pretty much by myself. I don't know what happened.

I have prom this weekend and my birthday. Then there is a voice recital on the 1st of May and a piano recital on the 7th of May. The graduation on the 20th. Busy month.

This week is a crazy week. Honestly, it's going to stay crazy for awhile. No slowing down. I don't think that I would have it any other way.

I had a close walk with Patsy Cline last night after midnight...

My dad took me to see "A closer walk with...Patsy Cline" last night at the Springer. It was pretty darn good.

Katie Deal played Patsy. She really had the voice down. As a die-hard Patsy fan, I was bound to be critical, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that she had mastered a lot of the vocal qualities that made Patsy...Patsy.

There was a packed house. Everyone was really into the show. Jens is back in town and he was at the show. It was good to see him. John Briggs was in town for the night. He directed ROMEO AND JULIET. It was nice to reconnect with friends who have been gone for awhile.

Academy starts soon and I am really excited. I think that we are going to have a great group. The fact that I get to spend four weeks, all day with Lucy Flournoy and Chrystal Carter makes me one happy girl.

Birthday talk....

So, there are only 9 days left until my birthday. I got a couple of early gifts today. Ben Beck gave me jelly beans(two bags) and the score card from Jeff Francoeur's first ball game with the Braves. He also gave me the ticket stub from the game. All of this was in a coffee box. Very cute. Then Paul Beck, not to be out done, gave a me a United Cheerleading tee-shirt and a CD that he burned on the spot. Two of the sweetest guys in my life. :-)

The parentals are out of town. They took my sister, Sarah Ann, to Athens for a piano competition. They stopped over in Atlanta for the night and some fun...I am not bitter at all. :-{

Tomorrow night, my dad is taking me to see "Forever, Patsy Cline" at the Springer. I am really excited about this!!!!!

For exciting college news, see my other blog. Go to my complete profile and it can connect you!

The picture above has nothing to do with this blog, but I like it...so it's there.

Humpdays...

I've got that middle of the week feeling. It's been a long week and it's only Wednesday. I hate that. I like to enjoy my week and all the stuff that I do.

I have ballroom dancing tomorrow night. Always interesting. And good for a laugh. I also have a voice lesson tomorrow, which has thrown me off a bit, because of the fact that it's usually today. No big deal, but still...

Mom and Dad are going to Athens with Sara Ann this weekend for a piano competition. She had better win. I know she can do it. The best part is, she never has to play those songs again. YEA!! I am so over all of them. Everyone is. Mom says that she hears them in her sleep. Funny, but probably true.

All in all, today could have been better, but somebody else probably had a day that was much worse than mine. There is ALWAYS a silver lining.

Happiness is....

My life right now. All is well in theresatown. School, college stuff, friends, family, and just life in general.

Prom is right around the corner, my birthday is 12 days away, graduation is 32 days away, and college starts in August. Ahh...What more could a girl ask for?

Easter was a nice relaxing day. I got to hunt for eggs. It was our family only, so all 8 of us went egg hunting. It was great.

All in all, life is good. I couldn't ask for anything more!

I found it!!!

I found my prom dress and I love it!! It only took me about an hour and a half and I only tried on six dresses. It could have been worse! :-)

More about Prom later.....

I don't know what to write.....

However, I feel the need to write, so forgive me if this doesn't make much sense.

I just got off the phone with an old friend that I haven't talked to in awhile. We see each other sometimes, but not often and when we do it's more like "hello" and "goodbye". We talked for an hour. It's always nice to reconnect.

Right now I feel kinda sick. I have a fever of 100.3, which could be another reason why this blog doesn't make much sense. My normal body temperature is 97.4. Crazy, I know.

My weekend could turn out to be interesting. I'll let you know.

I am going to go shopping for a prom dress tomorrow. Prom is on the 29th and today is the 12th. Yeah... I should have had this dress weeks ago.

I'm tired. I might like to go to bed. I feel like I was run over by a truck...17,000,000 times. Ok...Maybe not 17,000,000 times. Maybe it's more like 7 times. Either way, it kinda sucks. And yet, it's ok. Why you might ask. I'm not telling, because I am just that selfish.

Spring Break 2006

Ahhhh....I am really tired in a very good way. I just got back from the beach yesterday. My sister, Sarah Ann, and I went to Ponte Vedra with four moms and their six kids. We watched the kids at night while the moms went out. It was the easiest job ever. There were two boys and four girls. They were all so good. I was in total shock when they didn't complain when I put them to bed. I think that they were so tired from playing so hard on the beach all day that they fell to sleep immediately.

Free trip to the beach, free food, and I got payed. What more could a girl ask for?

School is coming to an end, my birthday is getting very close, Springer Academy is almost here, and all in all, life is good.

Spring Break '06 was a true success in every way.

Funny stuff....

Ok..So yesterday, I was at Evangel Temple with my sister(Sarah Ann). She had to record something and Jason Moore was helping us. He said that he had learned how to blog and he has on here on blogger called "jasonandstacie". Let me just say that I laughed and laughed and laughed. Good times right there. :-)

Today has been a good one. I got all my school stuff finished pretty early and then I went and had coffee with Ron Anderson and then I took Caroline to class and then went to the grocery store, picked Caroline up and came home. Tonight, I am supposed to hang with Annabeck before we both head out of town for the rest of our Springbreak. We are both going to the beach and I am really excited about having a few days of just playing on the beach.

I have been pretty happy and content for the past few days and I am still feeling that happy-glowing-feeling. I know what it is, but I'm not ready to share until I am sure that it's for real. Besides..I like to keep the 3.5 people that read this blog on their toes....

Can it get much better than this?

*Contented sigh*

The countdowns have begun! 27 days until I turn 18 and 47 days until graduation.

My show has closed and that has me feeling post show blues, but other than that....

I had a ton of friends come and see OLIVIATOWN. It was a good run and I can't wait to see the new cast next year.

I have made my college choice and that feels amazing. No more wondering or waiting. August will be here before I know it. Wow! It feels weird to be so close to being on my own. There is a whole new chapter of my life that is about to start. This is the time in our lives that we all wait for, but think will never come and it's finally here.

I have a good feeling inside me. A feeling that makes me giddy. I like it...

College, Money, Theatre, and Graduation!!!

So...I have decided to go to LaGrange College in the fall and I am very excited about that. They have given me a good deal of money, but I still need a lot more. Their Theatre Department is amazing and I am planning on double majoring in Theatre and Music. I think that I may have lost my mind, but I am ready for the challenge. I am going into it with an open mind, knowing that I can drop music sophomore year, if I need too.

I am in OLIVIATOWN at the Springer. It's going well. I love my part. Very different for me and I am glad to be branching out.

All in all, things are great. I am enjoying my senior year. I am ready for graduation, but savoring the time I have left at the same time.

Sharing

They say that being in a large family makes you better able to share things, but I don't agree. I think that it can make you more selfish. I mean, you're forced to share everything, so it makes you not want to share. Think about it. I share a bathroom with 7 other people. I share a bedroom with 4 other people. Now they all want to wear my clothes. We share food and school supplies.

Is it so wrong to not want to share something? You're not obligated to say yes every time that somebody asks you too. Geeze Louise!

I feel like bad person feeling this way. But sometimes, I just don't wanna share!

At least I don't have to share my toothbrush...

Frustration is a frustrating thing...

Ok...College money and scholarships for the money and auditions for the money, it's all frustrating. I have written so many essays...They are coming out of my ears. :-)

My mom is the other frustrating part of my life. She has raised me to be independent and yet, she won't let me be that way. She pushes to make all the decisions. She told me today that she was "still the parent" and that I was "the child" and that she "didn't have to explain herself to me" because she was "the parent." I hope that I never operate that way with my kids. If I am going to tell them to do something or tell them that they can't do something, I had better have a good reason and be able to tell them.

Tonight, my mother told me that I couldn't go and do something because she wanted me to stay home. She isn't even going to be here! She said that didn't matter that wasn't the point. I asked what the point was and that's when she gave me the whole shpill about not having to explain herself. Sometimes, it seems like everything is going great with her and sometimes...

How do I know that I am going to make good decisions when I get to college and I am out on my own? I don't know for sure because, even though my parents have raised me to be independent, I don't make my own decisions about anything. Where I go and when I go and when I get out and when I go to bed and when I eat and what I eat and what I read and what movies I see, all of that and more is decided for me. It's aggravating and it makes me all the more anxious to be out of this house and in college, on my own. Arrgh. I don't want to feel this way and maybe, I don't really. Maybe I am just angry. I don't know.

It's all just so frustrating.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

What a wonderful day! I love that there is a whole, entire day that is completely devoted to love. How neat is that?
Life has been good of late. I just finished ROMEO AND JULIET. We had a great run and now I start OLIVIATOWN here in the next week or so. After that it is on to PROOF. I am going to be paid again to be the ASM. That is the big news of the week.
I worked out at the gym last night after I got some of Jens's stuff from Kim. He left a whole bag of stuff here for me to keep for him until he gets back for PROOF. Then I went to the gym and did three miles on one type of bike and then I did the Ab's class and then I did the yoga class and then I did six miles on another kind of bike. I felt really good when I left there. I think that I am going to go back again tonight for the ab's class and to run again.
I have a million and twelve papers to write this week. I should be doing that right now instead of updating this blog for the .2 people who read it.
I had better go! LOVE TO ALL!!

That happy, glowing feeling

I feel very tired in a good way. I have been working my bum off and it seems to be paying off.
I have an audition tomorrow in LaGrange for the Voice department at the College. I think that I am ready for this audition. My little preview thing this week helped a lot. I sang for a few people that are in R&J. It was a nice feeling, to know that they were there because they love me and care about me.
Today I went and ate lunch at the Market with the cast from R&J. I love the act of breaking bread. Sitting at a huge table, with people you love, knowing they love you. There is no other feeling in world like being loved.
It's that happy, glowing feeling...

Good...Bad...Good???

Ok, so today was a good day. I got a lot accomplished and I was feeling great. Ron Anderson called me and told me that I have the part that I wanted in OLIVIATOWN. I am going to play SMUDGE and that should be a lot of fun. So I was really excited and I called my friend, Jen, to tell him about it and he was excited about it and then he springs some not so great news on me and he tells me that Ron has offered the company class to someone else. ARGGG!!!! Why would he do that? Ron and Jens have been talking about the company call for moths and there is no good reason on God's green earth why Jens should not teach that class. This is not the perfect ending to the perfect day. I mean, Jens could still end up teaching Classical Scene Study, but it won't be the same.

Last night....

I went to annabeck's house and came out smelling like farm animal feet. Yeah...It was one heck of a night!
I went to the gym last night. It was nice to do abs and yoga, but the teacher was new and I am not so sure that I like her. Annisa is better.
I don't have much else to say. I have a lot to do today. I have to go and pick up three recommendation letters and cash a couple of checks and then I have Spanish and a friend of our family is coming over for dinner. Mary Lou has rehearsal tonight, which kinda throws a wrench into the plan. But all in all, it should be a good day. Tomorrow starts the whole show in the morning, show at night thing all over again. I might die before it's all over. I am having a hard time getting up in the morning. I need to go to bed earlier. :-)
Life is good and I am loving and living to the fullest and I am HAPPY!!

*sigh*....

Ever felt heavy on the inside and not known why? That is how I feel right now. I can't explain the feeling and it's driving me CrAzY!! I know that I am entitled to my feelings and that it's ok to feel the way that I feel...But....I don't know. I feel bad that I feel heavy, because there is really no reason for it. I feel like I need to cry, but I don't know why and the tears won't come.
I have spent the morning at AC Fitness for Women. I supposedly "won" something and it was really just a discount, but the fact that I am going to teach at the new gym made it pretty pointless for me and so I get three personal trainer appointments. I went with my friend Kim and then we took Caroline and Sarah Ann to piano and then I took Kim to the food court at the mall and she got some lunch and then I took her back to her car and I came home.
I don't really have a lot to do today. I do have to be at the gym at 7pm and I have college stuff that I have to work on, but other than that.....
Life is good. I have spent the past few weeks doing ROMEO AND JULIET and I feel very good about the job that I have done with that show. I am going to miss the people like crazy. They have become another family and it's always hard to leave that behind and to move on to the next show. But at the same time, another show helps to make the transition a bit easier.
The person that I have become the closest to, Jens, is going to be the most difficult to let go of. He heads back to NYC on Sunday and I am going to struggle with that transition. I am so used to having him around and to know that he is about to be thousands of miles away is not going to be easy. At the same time, he will still only be an email or a phone call away.
I don't know, this whole blog is somewhat pointless(kinda like my thing at the gym this morning), but it has made me feel better.