HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

What a wonderful day! I love that there is a whole, entire day that is completely devoted to love. How neat is that?
Life has been good of late. I just finished ROMEO AND JULIET. We had a great run and now I start OLIVIATOWN here in the next week or so. After that it is on to PROOF. I am going to be paid again to be the ASM. That is the big news of the week.
I worked out at the gym last night after I got some of Jens's stuff from Kim. He left a whole bag of stuff here for me to keep for him until he gets back for PROOF. Then I went to the gym and did three miles on one type of bike and then I did the Ab's class and then I did the yoga class and then I did six miles on another kind of bike. I felt really good when I left there. I think that I am going to go back again tonight for the ab's class and to run again.
I have a million and twelve papers to write this week. I should be doing that right now instead of updating this blog for the .2 people who read it.
I had better go! LOVE TO ALL!!

That happy, glowing feeling

I feel very tired in a good way. I have been working my bum off and it seems to be paying off.
I have an audition tomorrow in LaGrange for the Voice department at the College. I think that I am ready for this audition. My little preview thing this week helped a lot. I sang for a few people that are in R&J. It was a nice feeling, to know that they were there because they love me and care about me.
Today I went and ate lunch at the Market with the cast from R&J. I love the act of breaking bread. Sitting at a huge table, with people you love, knowing they love you. There is no other feeling in world like being loved.
It's that happy, glowing feeling...

Good...Bad...Good???

Ok, so today was a good day. I got a lot accomplished and I was feeling great. Ron Anderson called me and told me that I have the part that I wanted in OLIVIATOWN. I am going to play SMUDGE and that should be a lot of fun. So I was really excited and I called my friend, Jen, to tell him about it and he was excited about it and then he springs some not so great news on me and he tells me that Ron has offered the company class to someone else. ARGGG!!!! Why would he do that? Ron and Jens have been talking about the company call for moths and there is no good reason on God's green earth why Jens should not teach that class. This is not the perfect ending to the perfect day. I mean, Jens could still end up teaching Classical Scene Study, but it won't be the same.

Last night....

I went to annabeck's house and came out smelling like farm animal feet. Yeah...It was one heck of a night!
I went to the gym last night. It was nice to do abs and yoga, but the teacher was new and I am not so sure that I like her. Annisa is better.
I don't have much else to say. I have a lot to do today. I have to go and pick up three recommendation letters and cash a couple of checks and then I have Spanish and a friend of our family is coming over for dinner. Mary Lou has rehearsal tonight, which kinda throws a wrench into the plan. But all in all, it should be a good day. Tomorrow starts the whole show in the morning, show at night thing all over again. I might die before it's all over. I am having a hard time getting up in the morning. I need to go to bed earlier. :-)
Life is good and I am loving and living to the fullest and I am HAPPY!!

*sigh*....

Ever felt heavy on the inside and not known why? That is how I feel right now. I can't explain the feeling and it's driving me CrAzY!! I know that I am entitled to my feelings and that it's ok to feel the way that I feel...But....I don't know. I feel bad that I feel heavy, because there is really no reason for it. I feel like I need to cry, but I don't know why and the tears won't come.
I have spent the morning at AC Fitness for Women. I supposedly "won" something and it was really just a discount, but the fact that I am going to teach at the new gym made it pretty pointless for me and so I get three personal trainer appointments. I went with my friend Kim and then we took Caroline and Sarah Ann to piano and then I took Kim to the food court at the mall and she got some lunch and then I took her back to her car and I came home.
I don't really have a lot to do today. I do have to be at the gym at 7pm and I have college stuff that I have to work on, but other than that.....
Life is good. I have spent the past few weeks doing ROMEO AND JULIET and I feel very good about the job that I have done with that show. I am going to miss the people like crazy. They have become another family and it's always hard to leave that behind and to move on to the next show. But at the same time, another show helps to make the transition a bit easier.
The person that I have become the closest to, Jens, is going to be the most difficult to let go of. He heads back to NYC on Sunday and I am going to struggle with that transition. I am so used to having him around and to know that he is about to be thousands of miles away is not going to be easy. At the same time, he will still only be an email or a phone call away.
I don't know, this whole blog is somewhat pointless(kinda like my thing at the gym this morning), but it has made me feel better.

life....love...and life....

So, I have been thinking a lot about love and life and how the two should go together more and just don't. I mean, people live and yet, all too often, they don't love. My sister and I were having a conversation about the word love and how often we use the phrase "I love you" and the truth is, that I say it more than she does. She is afraid of being burnt if she says it and the person she says it to doesn't say it back. I have said "I love you" to someone and they did not return the expression. However, it didn't really bother me, because I knew, all three times, that that the person in question really did love me and was just holding back. Why? I don't know. Two of those times, it was returned and all was good. The third was never returned. All the same, it has made no difference to me, because I expressed my feelings and that was what I needed to do.
Imagine that your life ended tomorrow. What would you do? Right now. What would you start to do right now? I would be terrified that the people I love the most would not know how much they mean to me. It makes sense to me to say "I love you" as much as possible. You never know what will happen to you or to someone else and I want those around me to know how much I care.
Love is such an important thing. Not only to express with words, but with actions. There are so many actions that express love. Making your bed without being told to, giving your friend a wake-up call, picking up a piece of trash on the street, cooking dinner for your family. All these things say "I love you and I care enough to show you".
It's the simplicity of it all that amazes me. How easy is it to say "I love you"? Very. It doesn't take much.
Human beings crave love. It's just a fact. I crave love and affection. I need to hear it and see it all the time. And I do. I see it and feel it and hear it all the time. But that could also be because I look for it. It is not always the easiest thing to see, but if you look at everything through eyes that are looking for love, you will see it.
I love simplicity. It's the little things that make me smile and sigh and think " I love life". God has given me so much and to think how ungrateful I am at times. It makes me sick and then I remember that I am human and I ask God's forgiveness and He grants me that forgiveness and I realize how blessed I am. I love because He first loved me. The only reason that I love like I do, is because of Him. How awesome is that? I know that I have a HUGE capacity for love. That is one of my spiritual gifts. God choose me to have that gift and to bring glory to Him through that. Why me? I am a wretched finite creature that is nothing with out Him, but He chose me anyway. What an awesome God I serve!

Back to the norm....

So the house sitting thing is over and I am back to living at home, which doesn't completely suck...Yet.
I have been talking to Jens about school again. He wanted to know why I am not going to a conservatory if I am going to go to school for theatre. I tried to blame the whole thing on, my mom and he told me not to. He said that he knew that part of it is my mom, but there was something more and he wanted to know what is was. I finally told him that I was scared. I was scared to take the risk of a conservatory. At a conservatory, all you do is theatre. At a college, you are able to explore more. I didn't want to be tied down to theatre. The thing is, I am already tied to theatre. I know that I am supposed to do theatre. God has given me a passion and desire to do theatre. It would be a waste and wrong to not try and better myself in the area that God has gifted me in.
I have decided to go to LaGrange College for at least a year and then apply to Julliard in NYC. I need to be challenged. Jens told me that his biggest fear for me is that I will go to college and be in a theatre department where I will know more than the other students and be on the same level as my profs. I do need to be challenged. If I am not challenged, than what's the point?
I am excited about this new plan. It's a plan that I should have had all along. Lots of prayer is still happening, but I know that God is going to guide and direct me. I feel Him calling me into theatre. I know that is where I am supposed to be. I have the bug. Bad. I haven't been on stage since July. It is now January and it is driving me bananas. I have an audition on Wednesday night. It's for OLIVIATOWN at the Springer. I have auditions at CSU and LaGrange in Febuary and March for the drama and voice departments. Fingers crossed. Pray that all will go well.

House-sitting....

so this whole house-sitting thing is neat, but there is nothing to it. I mean, I feed the cats, water some plants, get the mail, sleep on their bed, watch t.v., and get on their computer. yeah...There is nothing to this. There is no food in this house. Courtney is all about soy and organic and while I love being vegetarian for awhile and I do love organic, I cannot do soy and there is nothing here to eat. I need to go to the grocery store. I am hungry.

I have Spanish today which I am not looking forward to, but I am going to smile and take it for what it is worth.

Last night, I was overcome with a feeling of love and I feel asleep thinking "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!" I know that sounds weird, but I was, at that very moment, overwhelmed by the love that I have for my family and friends and so very grateful to my Creator for His blessing me with these very special people.

Anyway...annabeck spent the night last night. We had a good time and she just left for school. Sometimes I wish that I had to get up and go to school, just to see what it was like. I would have loved to have gone to school for highschool. I am grateful that my parents sacrificed and homeschooled me, but at the same time I feel like I might have missed something. I mean, Annabeck has amazing friends that she hangs with all the time. They are the same group of people all the time. I don't have a group. I have alot of friends, but not one specific group and I kinda wish that I had one specific group. It's not the same when people are like "hey, I'll call you when we all get together". I mean that is really nice and I always go, but I think that if I had been allowed to go to school, I would just have that network of support built in. I don't know, I may sound like a very ungrateful person and I swear that I am not, I would just like to be a little more normal sometimes. I love my life for the most part. Who doesn't wish some parts of their lives were different? But at the same time, I am happy at were God has put me and I know that He has a plan for me.

I am telling you, ever since a certain situation in my life went away...I feel this peace and calm all the time. My friend, Jens, commented just the other day how peaceful and serene I seem all of the sudden. I just smiled. Which caused him to smile and say "that's what I mean." Hmm...:-) I am happy. Really happy. God is good in all things, at all times. What a comfort and a joy!

Update on the life of theresa

Oh my goodness! I don't know where to start. It has been so long since I have written anything and there has been so much going on.
Let's see. There was a certain situation in my life that was struggling with and I have let go and moved on and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel more at peace and much calmer than I have in awhile. I know that God has been in control this whole time and that He continues to be and life is SO good.
I am in the middle of a production of ROMEO AND JULIET. That is going pretty well. We open this thursday. We are ready.. I thank. I wasn't at rehearsal today because to day is Sunday. I think that I have made up my mind on this whole Sunday thing... I think. I have been saying that for months and then I always change my mind. I know that it is very important to my parents that none of do any "work" on the Sabbath and I understand that we need to keep the Sabbath holy. I agree with that wholeheartedly, but I also think that by resting God means for us to rest our minds and bodies and you can be at home sitting on your rear after church and not be resting in Him, which is what it is all about. I think that I can be at the Springer or on the computer or mowing the lawn, and still be resting in God. Maybe that's just me and some crazy theology idea that I have in my head, but that is where I think that I stand....Again with the whole thinking thing.
Next on the list: College. I found out yesterday that I was accepted at Lagrange College with a guaranteed $4500 scholarship(hopefully with more to come). My mom informed me the other day that she and dad wanted to remodel the attic above my dad's dental office into a "loft apartment". That way I could go to CSU and die in Columbus of sheer boredom and a broken heart(the broken heart would be from all the depression from all the "what if's?" that I will carry to my grave). Yeah.. I'm not really diggin' that idea. Wonder why?
Let me see...what else? Hmmm. I am going to be teaching yoga at the new gym in town. I should start soon. We'll see. I am pretty excited about this. I would paid and be teaching a few times a week. I would get a free membership to the gym and that will be GREAT!! It will save my mom the money she wants to spend for me join her at CURVES. I like CURVES, but there are classes at this gym and there are more machines for me to work with. I think that this will be better.
Also, this is kinda weird. My friend, Rachel, and I were talking and she was telling me about all theses people that we know that are our age and the are getting married. How weird is that? This should not be happening for a few years, right? I mean, I always thought that I would be in alot of weddings around my 3rd year of college. I have so much more money to save for all the shoes and dresses and gifts. :-) Kinda crazy, I know. I just don't know how I feel about all that. I mean, I know that I was, at one point, convinced that I was going to go to college and get married pretty soon, but I am very much thinking differently now. I know that we all go through stages like that or most of us do, but these people are ENGAGED with rings and everything. I like being the way that I am with lots of friends and not having to worry about anyone but me. It's nice. I do think that it is sweet that mt best friend, annabeck, has a boyfriend now. I haven't meet him, but he sounds like a nice guy. I swear though, if he hurts her, I will come after him. I will. Do not mess with the mexican. Really not a good idea.
I think that is all for now. this is a really long blog and I am getting tired of typing. My sister, Caroline, and I are house sitting this week and so I am at that house. It's kinda fun. My mom is driving me crazy. We are about 20 minutes from home and when we got here she wanted me to call her while we were going into the house and talk to her until I locked the door. CRAZY!!!! This is why I CANNOT STAY AT CSU!!!!

PARTY!!!!!!

Wow!! I have been planning a surprise party for my parents 20th wedding anniversary since August! It finally all came together on Saturday night. It was great fun. I had a couple of friends of mine dj the whole thing and I had lots of food help from so many folks. We danced the night away and, I do believe that, a good time was had by all.
The whole day was crazy. I had to run errands and cook and finish making all the decorations and I had to be the barn(where the party was) at 4pm, so that Zach(the dj) could set up. I was terrified that I wouldn't have enough time to set everything up. But I ended up having more than enough time and I found myself just sitting there, because Zach wouldn't let me help him set his stuff up.
The dancing was the best part. There were lots of guys to dance with and it was fun to watch my parents try and dance. I was surprised at the number of people who could really dance. I haven't done the Swing in awhile and it was great fun to practice.
I am so glad that it's all over. It one less thing for me to worry about. Now I have Romeo and Juliet to occupy my time with.

All in all, my week has been good. I have made some new friends and I have been able to hang out with old ones. I gave a rockin' party and I loved it. I am one happy girl!!

hmm, life can be so good....

I am in the middle of a production of ROMEO AND JULIET. It's going really well. We have a great cast and I just found out today that they are going to PAY me!!!! YEAH!!! I need the money soooo badly! I like being the ASM and I know this is going to be the experience of a lifetime.
This year is going to be interesting, I know. I have an amazing network of support! I have amazing friends and amazing sisters that keep me sane and in reality, while at the same time, helping me find my crazy side. I am so grateful that God has put people in my life like Annabeck and Kim. People who know me and love me anyway. I know that God has great plans for me this year and I am excited about watching the plan unfold.

That thing called college...

Does it even matter where you go, as long as you go? Do you even have to go? I have to go for me. I have to challenge myself and do this for me. I will go and I will graduate and I might even get my masters. I might go to law school. I don't know. I need support from my mom in this. I know that I have so many friends that are behind me 100%. I know that, but I need my mom to support me and my need to get away. I do not want to always live in my hometown. I have to see other places and I am terrified that if I don't do it now, I never will. My mom actually told me that she didn't think that I was mature to go away to college. Where did that come from? She would be the only person with that thought.
My mom means the world to me and if something happened to her, I know that I would die. Her opinion means everything and I need her support and she is not willing to give that to me. What's a girl to do? I pray and that's about all that I am able to do at this point. I have tried to talk to her, but she won't have it.
She also wants me to move on from a certain situation in my life and to trust her and my dad. That is the hardest thing that she has ever asked me to do and I am just not ready to. I need some time, but again, she is not real willing to give it to me. I wish that God would just appear to me in a dream or speak to me in a loud, booming voice and tell me what His plan for my life is. I know that doesn't happen, but it would be so nice.
I never seem to have anything positive to write. I am a happy person, for the most part. I swear.
I did color my hair last night. It is not real drastic, just a deeper shade of red than my natural color. It looks really good. I love it!
That's all for now, more later.

So today....

I went and had target practice with a couple of my siblings. I am trying to lose some weight. That is not going so well. My mom lost three pounds and I am not losing anything. We'll see what happens.
I have church tonight and I am going to go see my Grandmother at the nursing home later. Yesterday, I went shopping and got a jacket with a gift card that I had. Nice jacket. I LOVE IT!!!
I found out yesterday that I was accepted at my number one choice college, COVENANT COLLEGE!!! I am so excited. Now that I know that I am in, I have to try and get the money to go. If I don't get to go, I know that God has a plan. I could end up at CSU and live with annabeck. That would not be bad at all. However, I would love to be up on that mountain. It would be the most awesome thing ever.
Once I know what college I am going to, I should probably decide what to major in. I know that I don't have to decide right away, but it would be nice to just know. I hate not knowing. I thought theatre and now I am thinking political science or maybe even pre-law. That would be scary, seeing as how that could actually lead to law school. Do I want to do that? Do I want to spend the rest of my life at school? I don't know. I need to call my lawyer friend, Mr. Scott Barber. He'll have some great advice. He always does.
That's all for now, more later.

Today has been....

a challenge. My head hurts like crazy and I feel really depressed. I feel guilty and sad. I know all that has happened in the past few weeks has been my fault and I wish that I could make things right, but I don't know how. I need to to sit down and pray. I need some peace. I also need to ask for joy and grace. Oh, and Strength.
I know that things will come out all right in the end. God has a plan and while I have no idea what that plan is, I am trusting in Him to guide and direct me and show me His will. It's so hard sometimes, but I know that He will lift me up from this miserable place where I am at and give me new hope and joy, if I just ask. It's almost as if I am ashamed to ask for it though. I don't know why. It is a completely honest and sincere prayer. He will answer, I know.
I need to pray for contentment. He has placed me where I am for a reason.
That's all for now, folks.

twas the day before Christmas and all through the house...

people were cleaning and yelling at each other to get their stuff done. It is so crazy around here. We are having company for dinner and all we are doing today is cleaning. We had a great breakfast and it has been a good morning. My mom is out doing the last little bit of Christmas shopping that she has left with all the other people that have finish theirs too. I know that it is crazy out there and I am so glad that I am here at home.
I am really starting to get excited about tomorrow. I want to see what's under the tree. I also am excited about church. I don't remember Christmas on a Sunday. I know that I have had a Christmas on a Sunday, I am just drawing a blank. It will be nice to see everyone and to hear the Christmas story. This is a great time of year and a wonderful time to reflect on all that God has done in our lives and in the lives of the people we know and love.
Last night we went to a Christmas party at my aunt and uncle's house. It is a tradition in our family. It was bitter-sweet, because of the fact that our grandparents were not there. It will be the same way tomorrow when we are all together. My cousin, Peyton, and her husband surprised us all and came in from Tennessee. We thought that we wouldn't all be together this year and we will be. That was so important to my mom and all of us really. It will be so good for everyone to spend the day together.
There is so much on my mind and maybe after Christmas I will sit down and write it all out. Maybe...

Christmas time

I love Christmas time. I love the tree and the lights and all the smells that go with the idea of Christmas. I love the people and the music. I must say that I hate the shopping. If I had a credit card, I would have done all my shopping online. I hate the lines and all the crowds that push and shove. If I don't have to buy anything, then it's not so bad being at the mall. Like I said, I don't mind the people, it's just all the looking. I am a girl and I do like to shop, it's just that Christmas makes shopping so ick. It puts you on a time schedule to get your shopping done and who needs a schedule or a time limit on shopping? Nobody!
This year will be a different kind of Christmas. There will be a lot of tension at my house. It will not be as joyful and as happy as it has been every other year and that will be all my fault. If I had done what my parents had asked me to do and stayed clam and not taken everything into my own hands, everything would be like it is every other year. Sometimes, like today, I wish that I had a family like annabeck. There may be things that I don't see and wouldn't want to see, but there is a sense of trust and forgiveness for the mistakes that Mama Lou and Woody know that the kids will make. Here, you screw up and your life is over.
I know that God is in control and I know that all will be fine in the end, but right now I feel the heaviness of guilt and I want some kind of normalcy in my life once again.
Wouldn't it be great to be a normal teenager? Wouldn't it be great to be able to go and do something with out feeling like the odd man out because you have to be home by 10pm on a Friday night? Yes, it would feel great. One day....
So for now, I am going to pretend like all is well in my world and put on a happy face for all my siblings. They deserve a tension free Christmas.